Watch: Nic Cage & FKA Twigs Team Up For A Bizarre Horror Movie That "Explores The Childhood Of Jesus Christ In Dark & Twisted Ways"

I have a pretty simple rule for judging Hollywood movies. I see Nicky, I clicky. 

And if it looks like the worst movie of all-time, I click even harder. Because even if the plot & production stinks, I KNOW Nic Cage is gonna give it his all. That's undeniable. Look at how much chutzpah he puts into a measly foreign commercial! 

The man is a living breathing piece of art. He belongs in the Louvre. 

Whether he's dominating a brooding indie gem like 'Pig' or going balls to the wall in some bizarre flick like 'Mandy', consider me seated for that experience. Even if the trailer looks like it should be playing before 'Tropic Thunder'. 

And so enter... 'The Carpenter's Son' 

(Pitchfork) - A biblical horror movie starring FKA twigs as Mary, mother of Jesus—is here. Nicolas Cage plays Joseph in the movie, and you can see them both in the clip below. Lofty Nathan wrote and directed the film, which stars Noah Jupe as Jesus. It is set for release this autumn, but no date has been set.

A movie synopsis shared upon the film’s announcement last year said The Carpenter’s Son “tells the dark story of a family hiding out in Roman Egypt. The son, known only as ‘the Boy,’ is driven to doubt by another mysterious child and rebels against his guardian, the Carpenter, revealing inherent powers and a fate beyond his comprehension. As he exercises his own power, the Boy and his family become the target of horrors, natural and divine.”

I'll admit I was incredibly a little disappointed that Saint Nicolas wasn't playing Jesus Christ in this movie. Probably should have left that out of the description to be honest. Never seen someone look more Jesus-y than him in that trailer. Oh well I guess. He's already got my money in his pocket for this one. Damn you Nicky. But bless you for giving us such a gift. 

And I guess my HBO subscription is gonna continue for awhile longer too, if these rumors are indeed true. Can we get Travolta on the line for S5? 

And lest we forget 2026 is already shaping up to be a banger candidate for YEAR OF THE CAGE… Goddamn we are blessed. 

And the best news of all? My new autographed plaques finally came in the mail too. Gonna look A+ above my bubblegum shrine. This is shaping up to be one of the greatest weeks of my life. 

I've said it before but really cannot stress enough… If you haven't watched 'Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent' go enjoy it ASAP. Basically Nic Cage playing himself & making fun of himself the whole time, while also looking heroic as fuck. 

Simply put it's one of the most unique action comedies I've ever seen and you don't even need to be a diehard Nicky fan to get all the references. JUST DO IT. 

Nic remains one of our greatest national treasures. And for that, I am thankful. 

Now what in the name of Zeus' butthole will he decide to do next? CAN'T WAIT to find out. 

PS: shout out to Twins! TWINS Basil.