What US President Allegedly Banged His Wife So Hard, He Broke A Bed In The Blair House?

Shutterstock Images.

First off… What the fuck is the "Blair House"?

The Blair House is located on the other side of Pennsylvania Avenue from the White House. It has been called "the world's most exclusive hotel" because it is primarily used as a guest house to host visiting dignitaries. The POTUS also lives there whenever the White House is being renovated.

That being said, who do you think fucked the First Lady so hard in the Blair House that caretakers had to allegedly swap out a broken bed frame that was presumably covered in presidential protein?

I'll give you my top three guesses, and the first has to be Bill Clinton, right?

The idea that Bill would be using the guest house as his own personal fuck palace makes all the sense in the world, EXCEPT the question clearly asked is what President aggressively fucked the FIRST LADY in the world's most exclusive hotel. And I think we all know Clinton had the stamina and drive to break multiple beds during a spirited lovemaking session, but I would think those sessions would be with ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT HIS WIFE.

New York Daily News Archive. Getty Images.

I'll go one further and say the only damage a faithful Bill Clinton may have done in one of those guest rooms would've resulted from him banging his own head against the wall in regret for marrying that fucking miserable clam.

My second guess would be JFK.

And I know he (allegedly) spent most of his erections buried in legendary starlets like Marilyn Monroe…

Cecil Stoughton. Shutterstock Images.

But I'm sure Kennedy also spent a fair amount of time making Jackie say "Oh!" years before she officially became Jackie O, so they could be the couple who plowed through the high-end Balir House furniture… 

Bettmann. Getty Images.

Unfortunately, the Kennedys are not our culprits either.

And my third and final guess would be the man referred to as "The Gipper," "The Great Communicator," and "The Teflon President"… Ronald fucking Reagan.

John Kobal Foundation. Getty Images.

On top of Ronnie being a sexual dynamo, his beloved Nancy was referred to as the 'Throat Goat' in some circles for her supposed ability to make male orgasms disappear without a fucking trace. 

(IYKYK)

However, neither Ron nor Nancy caused the property damage I asked about above.

So who did it?… Who used his Presidential privilege to bang his wife in such a vigorous manner that an expertly crafted wooden structure could not contain their exploits?

Well, surprisingly, the answer is Harry S Truman, of all people…

Smith Collection/Gado. Getty Images.

(rare footage of Harry trying to find a condom big enough to hold his Truman)

If you were a halfway decent student, you already know about the Marshall Plan, the Truman Doctrine, and the whole “The Buck Stops Here” motto. However, the history books fail to mention that Truman was also deeply in love with his wife, Bess.

Bettmann. Getty Images.

(Bess is the one without the glasses.)

When he first got to Berlin in 1945 for the Potsdam Conference to decide the future of Germany with Stalin and Churchill, a low-ranking Army Officer met Harry in his car and asked if he’d want “female accompaniment” for the conference. Truman said, “Son, I married my sweetheart. She doesn’t run around on me, and I don’t run around on her.” And then, after the officer left, Truman asked never to see that officer again.

And not too long after that, Harry (allegedly) proved just how much he loved Bess by sending her through the fucking mattress at the Blair House.

I will not comment on Bess's looks because I am not what most people would refer to as "attractive" either, but imagine what Truman would have done if he were married to this?…

David Allen. Getty Images.

Soooooo… The moral of this story blog is not to judge a book by its cover because if you're the type of person that judges a true man by his ability to break shit during coitus (and I don't know a lot of people who do) then I think your "true man" is Harry S Tru-man… And, in this case, the S stands for "Shatters Beds."

Take a report.

-Large

The year 1950 is chock-full of aggressive sex stories like Harry & Bess's, and you can hear all about them in the latest episode of Twisted History…

TAR

-L