Has Sydney Sweeney Been Corrupted By The Illuminati? Let's Discuss.

Dante9/30/2025 7:30 PM

TMZ - Sydney Sweeney just leveled up to 28 -- and her birthday blowout was outta this world, with celebs galore and her new flame Scooter Braun in full party mode.
The actress completely took over at her 'Planet Syd' bash at L.A.’s Vibiana on Sunday night ... wearing the same sparkling mini dress Britney Spears wore for her "Circus" album shoot -- and yes, even her onscreen flame Glen Powell tried to reach her orbit in a full-on NASA suit!
The guest list was astronomical, with Jeff Bezos and wife Lauren Sanchez making a stellar appearance after Sydney -- and Scooter, separately -- attended their June wedding.
Sydney’s IG pics show the galaxy of birthday chaos -- twerking with Sexyy Red, belting karaoke with Wiz Khalifa, and a whole lot more.

After reading that headline, I know what you're thinking- "There goes Dante being crazy again". But hear me out on this one. Because by the end of me stating my case, I think you'll agree that this has Hollywood freemasonry written all over it.

Let's start at the beginning. There are career milestones every actor dreams of- like an Emmy nomination, a Marvel cameo, maybe a fragrance deal if things really pan out. Sydney Sweeney skipped all that and went straight to the endgame- the VIP lounge of global power.

In the span of about six months, she’s gone from “that girl in Euphoria who makes people uncomfortable during family TV night” to possibly drafting her acceptance speech for the Illuminati’s annual retreat in Davos.

Let’s connect the dots before they connect themselves.

It started innocently enough- photos of Sydney palling around with Jeff Bezos and his wife Lauren Sánchez aboard the most preposterous "super yacht" in the world, for their wedding week. On paper, just another celebrity-billionaire crossover. But when was the last time Bezos voluntarily hung out with anyone who wasn’t a tech bro trying to sell him a blockchain? How the fuck do Sydney Sweeney and Overlord Bezos and his queen cross paths? Sydney somehow cracked Amazon Prime’s human firewall.

You don’t just get invited onto Bezos’s yacht unless you’re either

Tom Brady
An AI with sentience, or
Someone who’s being vetted for the New World Order’s fall membership class.

It’s no coincidence she’s suddenly smiling next to the man who can literally ship her to space during the apocalypse until things die down, and she can return to restart the human race.

Giphy Images.

(Hopefully with Tom)

As for Sydney’s next move? Oh no big deal, she announced she's launching her own lingerie brand.

Surface level this appears to be just another celebrity side hustle. Dig deeper, and you find out she has private equity backing her. Not a Shark Tank check, not a GoFundMe link- big time PE money. The kind that builds empires, topples governments, and sends accountants into existential spirals.

Nothing screams “Illuminati internship” like turning lace into a leveraged buyout. We’re maybe three quarterly reports away from her lingerie line being bundled with Raytheon missile systems in someone’s portfolio. And overlord Bezos of course is heading it up -

Traded.com - Sydney Sweeney, Emmy-nominated Euphoria star and Forbes 30 Under 30 alum, is expanding her empire with a new lingerie brand—reportedly backed by Jeff Bezos and Ben Schwerin of Coatue. The move follows Coatue’s recent $1B investment infusion from Bezos and Michael Dell, and sheds new light on Sweeney’s appearance at Bezos’ star-studded Venice wedding. As celebrity-founded brands continue to scale, Sweeney’s latest venture places her at the intersection of entertainment, fashion, and venture capital.

And then came the romantic subplot that makes me throw up in my mouth every time I think about it- Scooter Braun. Yes, that Scooter Braun.

Dating a guy like him isn’t just a relationship- it’s a career choice, a geopolitical alliance, and possibly a loyalty pledge in blood. As Kelly Keegs told me, she dared to show her face at The Era's Tour this past year. She better not plan to try that again.

If Bezos was the handshake, and private equity was the application, Scooter is the tattoo. He’s the fixer, the gatekeeper, the guy who whispers, “We meet on Tuesdays” while handing you a cloak.

This isn’t simply Hollywood ladder-climbing. This is Hollywood speedrunning.

Other actresses spend decades hustling for a vodka brand endorsement and a photo op at Coachella. Sydney just blinked, and she’s basically co-chairing the Bilderberg Group.

It really pains me to the be one to go out on this limb and deliver this news, but Sydney Sweeney has entered the endgame folks.

Next time you see her, don’t be surprised if she’s sitting next to Klaus Schwab at a climate panel.

Getty Images. Getty Images.

Or ringing the bell at the New York Stock Exchange, or even casually holding the torch during the Bohemian Grove summer jamboree. Give her another year and at this rate, she’ll be whispering coded Latin at candlelit tables while the rest of us argue over gas prices. Sydney Sweeney doesn’t need our approval she already has Bezos’s and the 33rd degrees.

We lost a good one guys.