I Have Been Placed On Load Management

Rocky Widner. Getty Images.

I don’t know if this is what growing up feels like or if it’s just the beginning of the end, but I simply can’t do what I once did. The idea of full sending every Friday and Saturday has gone from the highlight of my week to my biggest nightmare. Somewhere along the way, the “weekend warrior” lifestyle turned into something that feels more like a chore than a reward.

Maybe it’s because I finally paid off all my debt and for some reason, I feel more broke now than when I actually had the debt. Like, congrats to me for being financially responsible, but where the hell did my fun money go? (That’s a story for another day.)

I’m nowhere near retirement, but I’m officially on board with load management. Staying in on a Friday, ordering food, firing up 2K, or watching a movie sounds way more appealing than hitting the same bars I’ve been going to for three straight years. It’s not even about being antisocial, it’s just realizing I’m not missing anything by taking a night or even a whole weekend off. The same people are there, doing the same thing, having the same conversations they had last weekend.

People always say the hangovers are what made them slow down, but that’s not it for me. Either I’m built different or I just haven’t hit that point yet. My problem is the hangxiety, that dreadful, “why did I say that?” feeling that lingers for days. It doesn’t hit in the morning, it hits on Monday when I’m supposed to be productive and instead feel like I’ve been emotionally hungover since Saturday.

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when you’ve just done something enough, and it starts to lose its magic. It’s like when you start a new job, at first, you’re excited, everything feels fresh and then a few months or years in, it’s “ugh, not this again.” That’s exactly how I feel about boozing my face off every weekend.

This isn’t a farewell to going out. I’ll still make an appearance when the vibes are right. But it’s definitely a slowdown. I’m learning that sometimes doing nothing on a Friday night is exactly what I need and for once, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on a damn thing.