Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 6: Patriots vs Saints

Things to consider while admitting maybe New Orleans isn't so terrible after all:

--Ever since this game ended, and I waited a good 15 minutes to make sure the officials didn't negate another 50-yard completion by Drake Maye (and we'll get to them, believe THAT), I've been experiencing this flood of emotions I haven't had in a long time. Ones I'd nearly forgotten. What it's like to be on a win streak. To take care of your business on the road, and win a game you were expected to. To play an entire game of nearly mistake-free football, meaning you avoid all the unforced errors and turnovers that could've cost you the game. To have a quarterback carry you to victory when the run game isn't happening, and all the calls go against you. To have every opponent's drive that ends in three points feel like a victory because it's going to take more than field goals to beat you. To be clinging to a lead late in the 4th and think there's a chance your opponent might come back and win it, instead of knowing to a moral certainty it's going to happen, and being right. Finally, to have four wins in mid-October, instead of at the end of the season. Lord, how I've missed days like this.

--It all begins with Drake Maye. It has to, or I'd deserve to have my Blogging License revoked. (It's one of the limits to the 1st Amendment. The courts have been clear on that.) I spent all of last year running out of ways to express how depressing and horrible this franchise had been. In 2025, I'm starting to exhaust my supply of ways to describe how good Maye has become. But believe me, I'm happy to keep mining the thesaurus for news ways to say it. 

--I mean, every half of football he plays lately looks like one of those highlight videos some fanboys post to get you pumped up for your playoff team. And I mean that's what it's been looking like watching it in real time, minus the Rap music. Between the 2nd half in Buffalo and the 1st half in New Orleans, he played an entire game's worth of perfect football. In this one, he was 11-fo-13 with 185 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, a perfect 158.3 passer rating and a rushing 2-point conversion before the intermission. And that was a reflection of the fact Josh McDaniels took his training wheels off and let him ride all the way around the block by himself. He's established he can throw a deep ball, but has been limited to less than 8% of his attempts going 20 air yards or more. Yesterday, he took five shots, connecting on four of them, for 128 yards and all of his touchdowns. And of course famously had a couple more wiped from his spray chart by a guy in a striped shirt using a yellow rag. When it should have looked like this:

Well played, good sir. And again, we'll get the officials. But first, like Mark McGwire in his congressional testimony about PEDs, I just want to keep things positive and send the right message to all those kids out there. So I'll start with the ICBM he launched to Pop Douglas. What looked like a 3-man bunch turned into just two receivers going deep, as Mack Hollins and Hunter Henry stayed home in max protection. (Note that one of my life's goal is to hire Kevin Costner-like elite body guard and give him the codename Max Protection.) Under center. Play action to Rhamondre Stevenson, who also stayed in to block. Kyle Williams and Douglas ran Cover-1 beater deep crosses, and Douglas juked post safety Jonas Sanker enough to flip his hips, then broke for the pylon as Maye anticipated the route and hit him perfectly in stride:

--But he did more than just toss bombs. Not long after, the former North Carolina high school power forward who averaged 16 points and 11 rebounds displayed his elite point guard moves by driving the lane, drawing the double team, then dishing to TreVeyon Henderson for the uncontested jam:

--And followed that up with this half court pass that Kayshon Boutte grabbed in the low post for the bucket:

--You have to especially feel great for Boutte, whom I think we can safely say without fear of contradiction had a career game. Not far from where he grew up. Not far from where he played college ball and got done dirty by that conniving, disingenuous, Janus-faced little homunculus Brian Kelly. With a ton of friends and family at the game. He ended up with five catches on five targets, two of them for touchdowns on back-to-back drives. On the second, he once again created a breakdown in the coverage with a double move. Douglas had short-motioned to stack behind him, then ran an out and up to occupy the flat/curl defender. Boutte he ran a post but stemmed it off once the corner released him to the safety. Leaving two defenders were on one side of him and Maye - wisely - put the ball on the other. 

And just to keep beat the basketball metaphors to completely to death, Boutte also drew the foul and the and-1. Which put the ball on the 1-yard line, allowing the Patriots to try for the 2-point conversion. Which the officials completely cocked up, so it had to be reviewed. And the angle that ended up reversing the call looked like the security camera in a liquor store. Somehow the Eagles can have more pre-snap motion than a Zumba class and get the score every, single time. But the Patriots have to search databases for proof their 6-foot-4 QB was able to break the plane from six inches away.

--We can't go another paragraph without talking about the officials. If there was any justice in the world, those vertical stripes would be horizontal. On prison suits. But since this isn't the 1930s, and we don't have chain gangs out digging ditches any more (this used to be a proper country), they deserve something. Fit them for an Irish Ankle Bracelet and put them under house arrest for a few games. And if they do return, they need to be publicly shamed. Make them work with Scarlet A's stitched into the shirts for "Awful at My Second Job." Because this was the worst display of officiating humankind has ever seen. At least when the Soviets got three chances to beat Team USA in basketball at the Munich Olympics, they were doing it to keep from being sent to a gulag. This was pure incompetence. On a level that would shame the referee handling a Tag Team wrestling match. An absolute disgrace. Beginning with, but by no means limited to, the pushoff call on Stefon Diggs that wiped out one of the greatest plays we'll see all season:

Which was negated by this:

I mean, there's an OPI somewhere in there, right? They said there was. Can you spot it? Because these dreamy, baby blue, vision-corrected eyes can't. It's like one of those puzzles in Highlights for Kids where you have to look through the drawing of a playground or whatever to find the hidden kite, shoe and broom. Not to keep harping on the Soviets (screw them though), but Stalin had a feral animal named Lavrentiy Beria running his secret police who famously said, "Show me the man and I'll find you the crime." And even that nasty Bolshevik couldn't have called Diggs for a penalty on this one. Worse still, by the time the flag appeared, the points were on the board, the entire offense was on the sidelines, grabbing water, watching the play on their Surface tablets, and waiting for the extra point. Those of us at home were halfway to the fridge so we wouldn't have to endure another promo for the season premieres of Matlock and Elsbeth. To the Patriots credit, they didn't let the total miscarriage of justice derail the drive completely, and Maye got the ball to Boutte in the end zone for that second score anyway. But I still gave it a good long time before I accepted that it counted. Because in today's NFL, you not only have to wait for the replay booth to confirm a touchdown, you need to wait for the Statute of Limitations to run out. 

--Diggs had no such problem on his other egregiously bogus OPI call however. That false charge stuck right away. A Go route from an inside release. Press man coverage from Quincy Riley. As Maye said later of his contested throw to Boutte, in this league, one on one means you're open. Maye steps up into the pocket as his shirt is getting pulled like he got webbed by Spider-Man. Perfect throw. Perfect catch from a couple of the surest hands in the league:

 And another pushoff so phantom the Scooby Gang couldn't pull the mask off it:

--And then Riley gets away with a blatant arm bar on Mack Hollins on yet another deep shot by Maye that would've been caught:

--To both stick with this topic and heap more praise on Boutte, those three receptions he had that were not touchdowns were all good for 1st downs. Which to awkwardly shoehorn in another clumsy sports metaphor, was like going 5-for-5 with two homers and three doubles. And that final catch, good for 21 yards on a crucial 3rd & 11, was the Pats finishing move for the game:

But the officials managed to turn that into a goatfuck as well, claiming Boutte's - I cant avoid it any longer -  booty was out of bounds when they clearly should've kept the clock running. The best day by anyone in the entire organization was had by Stretch Streicher up in the Ernie Adams chair, who not only successfully challenged that and turned the game into an exercise in kneel downs, but also got the garbage call on Christian Elliss' forced fumble overturned:

And if more categories of calls were reviewable (in the Kingdom of Thorntopia, everything will be on the table; Jerry I has spoken) Stretch and Vrabel could've gone about 12-for-12. 

--One last thing before we jump to the defense. The lack of a run game was obviously a huge problem. Not so big that Maye's MVP-caliber talent can't overcome it. But there were no holes to be had with gap runs, not even in the 10 snaps with Jack Westover in at fullback. Stevenson is lucky to see enough daylight to fall forward to his body length. Henderson has slightly more success on inside zone rushes, but only by comparison. In the way Pippen was taller than Merry. And the negative plays could've cost them the game entirely I lost count of how many times they took a tackle for loss on 1st down and I'm in too good a mood to look it up. But unofficially, it was a boatload.  This was a step back game for the offensive line on the whole. And we're getting perilously close to that point where this is simply who this team is and it can't be fixed. 

--I mentioned last week that Marcus Jones is the next big Patriots Crush for the sophisticated, discerning, and knowledgeable lady fan in your life. Well yesterday he became that Mr. Steal Your Girl. He broke up three (!!!) more passes, including that one on Chris Olave where he ripped the ball out and it should've been ruled a catch and fumble. He came off the edge on a corner blitz, aided by a K'Lavon Chaisson inside stunt for his first career sack:

And generally, has been one of the best Patriots defenders all season. That guy who's always around the ball. Making impact plays. Brings that underdog mentality you have to have when you're 5-8 and defending guys you're giving away 4-6 inches to on half your snaps. And if you know what's good for you, you'll get to the Pro Shop and get your girl a Patriots No. 25 jersey for Christmas instead of another pathetic, no-brainer Pandora charm like before. 

--Granted, the defense had a hard time getting Spencer Rattler of all QBs off the field. But it felt like one of those throwback games where they just stayed under a deep safety shell, played press man underneath, and defied the opposition to outscore them taking the available short stuff underneath. Granted, there were some big gains. That opening play was a result of terrible planning when they blitzed the corner and rotated Kyle Dugger onto Olave. But in general, I think they feel like their offense is bringing a rocket-propelled grenade to a gun fight. And they're going to win that shootout. 

--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote (tie):

"I returned to New Orleans, and as soon as I smelled the air, I knew I was home." - Louis, Interview with the Vampire

"I have arrived here in New Orleans. It is even more beautiful than in the picture book." - Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy

--I'm curious to know what percentage of viewers of a 1pm Patriots at Saints game decide, "You know what I'd love to do tonight? Watch two different, charming, quirky, middle aged women solve crimes instead of Lions at Chiefs." 

--On an only slightly related note, I fell into tickets to Clemson at Boston College Saturday night. Outside the stadium I met a group of people pregaming on a park bench. A couple of white guys in their 50s, another white guy in about his 30s, two younger mixed race women, and a guy who was introduced to me as Black Anthony. This is the crew they go to every game with. And I told them, "You're one Asian friend away from being the people who watch football together in every NFL commercial." For the record, having a beer with them was exponentially more fun than watching BC. I get the feeling Bill O'Brien in entering the "Retired on the Job" phase of his professional journey.

--Remember these days. This is when we first got to stop talking about Drake Maye's greatness in the future tense. Because that time has arrived:

--In fact, he's so good even UNC Football has lifted its ban on talking about him: