Video: Hearing a Teenager Try to Describe the Misery of Being Born a NY Jets Fan is the Very Definition of Pain and Suffering

I've been laboring in Dave Portnoy's content factory in some capacity or another so long that my Barstool career is old enough to legally buy alcohol. And one of my longest running obsessions over those 21-plus years has been watching the New York Jets through the eyes of my colleague Kevin. Because he always delivers. Because his rants so perfectly capture the Lovecraftian horror of being a fan of this team:

And like any great tradition, the suffering of those who've been emotionally invested in this franchise since the time they won a Super Bowl 56 years ago has endured. To steal a line from JFK (who was in all likelihood a Patriots fan), the torch has been passed to a new generation of Jets fans, born in this century. Not the least of whom is this teenager in a Quinnen Williams jersey:

It's not hard to imagine the exact same words coming out of the mouth of 15 year old Kevin. Or his father before him. Or really anyone who's followed this team since before mankind walked on the moon.

Believe me when I say it's not just schadenfreude. I'm not sadistically getting pleasure from watching the pain of a good people who don't deserve to suffer like this. KFC is a good person. So it seems, is this young man. Jets fans are all God's children with the spark of the divine in them. And it's sad to see them realize the fate they've been born into. To me, it's more scientific. It's anthropology. It studying the human condition and witnessing how much a group of people can endure before they reach the breaking point. 

While at the same time, it's personal for me. What KFC is expressing here is how I felt for most of my life as a Patriots fan. Not that the Pats were as consistently horrible as the Jets have been. But even when they did have success, it quickly blew up in our collective face like a Candygram for Mongo. In 1978, Chuck Fairbanks had built an absolute wagon, thanks to some of the shrewdest drafting of the era. They won the division for the first time and were set to play the first home playoff game in franchise history. Only to discover Fairbanks had taken another job with the U. of Colorado (in violation of his contract) and had been spending his time making phone calls on behalf of his new employer instead of preparing for the game. In 1996, the Pats went to the Super Bowl under Bill Parcells. Only to discover Parcells had taken another job with the Jets, and had been spending his time making phone calls on behalf of his new employer instead of preparing for the game. In between, they went to the Super Bowl under Ray Berry and got boatraced by the '85 Bears. And two days later they were embroiled in a major scandal alleging widespread cocaine abuse. And the suspected source of that report? Ray Berry. Within a couple of years, they were back to being the worst team in the league. 

The point being, I can relate to both of these rants. I've been that teenager and that grown man who felt like there would be no end to it. That the pain and misery would last my lifetime. I'd like to point this out to give Kevin and this Quinnen Williams kid some hope. But I respect them too much to lie. I think they're right to hate this team. Sometimes you're just born into a terrible situation. And in their case, it's going to last forever. And 20 years from now, this kid will be Clancy's age and it will be some other teenager. Like it said earlier, it's tradition.