Good Guy Randy Johnson Explains to Autograph Sellers Why He Rarely Signs Jerseys

I'm just now realizing I don't think I've ever heard Randy Johnson speak before. I must have somewhere along the line. I could have guessed he had a deeper than average voice. But if I had heard him speak, I would think I'd remember him sounding like he was underwater. That voice is so familiar. He sounds like somebody (or something?) specific that I can't quite put my finger on. It's driving me a little crazy right now. God damn it. 

Anyways, I thought this was pretty smart. You would hate to be one of those guys who litters the market with autographs to the point that they're no longer worth a damn. Take Pete Rose for example. Pete Rose might still be signing memorabilia in heaven. You could go to your local mall right now and buy one of Pete Rose's signed "I'm sorry I bet on baseball" baseballs out of a vending machine for a quarter (technically they go for a few hundred bucks, but if you Google "Pete Rose autographed baseball", the internet is flooded with them).

But Randy Johnson understands the basic economic principle of supply and demand. It's not like he's being overly stingy with his signature. Randy Johnson seems like a nice enough guy. It sounds like he's willing to sign pretty much anything for anybody if he has the time. Just not his jersey. He's simply making sure the value of a Randy Johnson autographed jersey remains at a premium by only signing them for charity purposes. Which I imagine only made the men in that room salivate even harder at the thought of getting their hands on one. 

Speaking of hands. Look how tiny this baseball looks when held by Randy Johnson. Pitching a baseball for him must have felt like hucking a pool ball.

Randy Johnson is a unique guy. He's a fun athlete to think back on (which is really the only reason I wanted to write this blog). When I think of Randy Johnson… aside from his Hall of Fame career, Cy Young's, MVP's, World Series, World Series MVP, etc… I think of three things in particular. 

The first one being the time he murdered a bird, specifically a mourning dove. with a fastball. Obviously.

Randy Johnson did not face criminal charges for bird muder. Unlike Blue Jays outfielder Dave Winfield. In 1983, Dave Winfield threw a baseball back towards his dugout between innings. The baseball struck (and killed) a seagull. He was booed by the fans, and charged with animal cruelty. The charges were eventually dropped.

Randy Johnson was however sued by PETA. Which was a really fucked up thing for PETA to do. On top of it so clearly being a freak accident, Randy Johnson was (and still is) notably a big animal guy. He considers himself a conservationist. He was legitimately felt really bad about the whole thing. So for PETA to come in and imply he should be held accountable as some sort of bird murdering monster… fuck you PETA.

Which brings me to the second thing I always think about with Randy Johnson (technically it's the third, but this makes for a better transition), is that post-retirement, Randy Johnson became a professional photographer. 

On his official website rj51photos.com, where you'll find photos Randy has taken to document is various travels, at the top of the page, you'll see Randy Johnson Photography's official logo – a dead bird. To honor the bird who was lost in battle that day. 

Here is Randy Johnson with one of his photographs.

And finally, when it comes to Randy Johnsons, I think of the 1993 All-Star Game when he threw a fastball over John Kruk's head.

Actually, there's a fourth thing. If anybody was a fan of Backyard Baseball 2001 back in the day, young Randy Johnson was the best pitcher in the game. 

Lousy hitter though. Super slow on the basepath's too. It was always kind of annoying when Randy Johnson got a hit. He would hold up all the runners behind him. Pete Wheeler would fully catch up to him by the time he reached 2nd base.

P.S. I just placed Randy Johnson's voice. It's actor Sam Elliot.