In a Shocking Turn of Events, Foot Fetishists Have Infiltrated a Wholesome Facebook Group of Barefoot Living Enthusiasts

When I think of the barefoot community, three people come to mind. First is a guy who I lived with for about 3 months at hostel in Los Angeles. I'd describe him as kind of a douchey bohemian black gamer nerd. But he was nice guy. He also was in a frat at the University of Alabama. Bit of a bizarre combo. Anyways, one random afternoon we went to get lunch and he got in my car without shoes on. I said, "Bro... shoes..." He proceeded to give me some spiel about trying to be one with the earth. I was like, "Man we're on Western & Expo. This isn't the earth. This is just one big pile of concrete and trash."

So we get to the restaurant and wait in line. It this sketchy little chicken spot. Some might describe it as being in "the hood". My man's feet are looking disgusting as hell. And the moment the employees behind the counter notice his bare feet, they just start roasting him. It was so mean. But so funny. Fry cooks were coming out the back to laugh at him. Honestly, they blew it way out of proportion, but they had me dying. Never saw that kid go barefoot again. 

I also think about the guy standing in the background of the old Billy Strings Dust in a Baggie video. Barefoot Ben. 

Love that video. Oftentimes when you see old cops of musical artists/groups performing before they've "made it", they'll be surrounded by a small gathering of people who are only half paying attention to the music. None of them seem especially blown away by what they're seeing. I always watch those videos and think, "Damn... these people have no idea what they're witnessing." 

But when I watch that video of Billy Strings and his friends on mushrooms in the basement of house party, I don't think that. I feel like his friends knew exactly what they were witnessing. You know how good you have to be to be the guy who brings his guitar to a party and actually have people want you to play it? That's special stuff. If I was Billy String friend back then, I'd have been insufferable to him. Just constantly demanding he plays me music at all times.

Thirdly, I think about Jersey Jerry. Barstool Sports resident foot fetishist. Who's really the only reason I wrote this blog. So I could put his picture in the thumbnail. Sorry Jerry.

Anyways… these poor shoeless Brits. They want nothing more than to share their barefoot lifestyle with the world. In the least sexual way possible. Who could have possibly seen this coming? Who could have predicted that a wholesome group of barefooters sharing photos of themselves on the internet would be discovered and overrun by foot fetishists? And every time a middle-aged UK hippy posted a photo of herself on a hike, soaking up the nature through the soles of her feet, that she'd be inundated with DM's of the, "Hello! That's a really cool anklet you have there. I was thinking about buying one for my girlfriend. Do you have any up close pictures of that? Of you wearing it. In good lighting. In the bath…" variety. 

Being a foot fetish guy must be kinda brutal. It seems overwhelming. It'd be like living your whole life on a nude beach. Which might seem cool on the surface. But I went to Greece a couple months backs, and we inadvertently stayed at a resort near a very active nude beach. For one, most of the nudity you see there isn't nudity you want to see. But even if you want to see it, you can't just be the guy staring. And even if you were able to just sit there are stare, now you're just horny on a public beach.

So is that just every day life in the summer for foot fetishists? Are they just publicly horny all the time? Even at home, every time they get Instagram, it's feet everywhere. I can only imagine what it's like when they come across a nice pair. A pair they want to see more of. They probably start doing the mental gymnastics to convince themselves, "Well if she's publicly posting her feet, she must not care if people see them, right? She probably wouldn't mind sending me a clearer picture. Especially if I offered her $10. There's no harm there. I could even do $20. Maybe $100. Fuck it… I need to see those feet. I will give you $1,000. I will Venmo you right fucking now please for the love of god send me your feet pics I'm begging you" – and that's how you end up horny DM'ing members of the UK Barefoot Living Facebook group. 

OnlyFans accidentally built a multi-billion dollar company based on principle. The principle of selling to horny people. Horny people don't make rational financial decisions. It isn't non-horny people who are spending thousands of dollars per week to have private conversations in the DM's with Sophie Rain's business manager. So if you're a hardcore foot fetish guy on the internet, are you just constantly forced into a state of horny decision making? Because you can see the feet of literally any celebrity, or any girl you've ever met who you follow on Instagram? That's too much man. No thank you. 

And if you're but a humble weirdo who wants to simply live a non-horny barefoot lifestyle, you're probably constantly wondering if the weird guy sitting next to you is sexualizing your gross dirty feet. But thankfully, there's an easy solution to that problem. I found this lovely couple online who came up with a really cool trick that allows people to both live their gross shoeless lifestyle, and keep their feet hidden from perverts. 

Pretty cool, normal stuff right there. What a fun world. What a fun little dynamic that is between the Foot Fetishists and the Barefoot Livers. Are they rivals? Are they two peas in a pod? Has a foot fetish guy ever married a barefoot liver? You'd think it would be a match made in heaven. I'll have to pick Jerry's brain next time I'm in Chicago.