The Chicago Bears Are Living An Exciting, Enthralling 2025 Season As An All-Time Fraudulent Team
So, here's the deal. The Chicago Bears - the team I root for - are F-words.
Oh, you want me to say it? Fine, I'll say it. Frauds. F-R-A-U-D-S. We've beaten nobody and all of it's illiterate cousins and the only thing that is great on this team right now is our coach. Ripping that Band-aid right off right there. And you know what? That's kind of exciting. We as Bears fans need to lean into this instead of trying to deny it. What's wrong with being a fraud, anyway? Makes you feel a little mischievous. Naughty. Like you've done something wrong to get where you are. Like eeking out a win against JJ McCarthy who was so bad you wondered if he might be left-handed.
Honestly, I don't understand why fans fight back on this now that I'm in this position. I'm enjoying this life of mystery. You think being a fraud isn't cool?
My message to fellow Bears fans is this: don't run from this fact. Embrace it. Own it. This is a promotion after all. Don't forget where we came from. Not even a year ago on Thanksgiving our coach froze on the sideline and pissed down his pants when he should have called timeout leaving us all with no other choice at the dinner table but to propose "How about we talk politics!?". This isn't a bad thing. The Jets and Browns would KILL to be called frauds. The saddest thing I think I ever heard in my life was Sunday when Browns fans cheered wildly upon Sheduer Sanders stepping onto the field. And that was way before watching it all play out.
As far as the forensics go - we are dead to rights. That's just a fact. I ran the numbers and it's bad. As a professional sports team fraud detector, I haven't seen a more clear cut case of a fraudulent team in my career since the 2022 Vikings.
Point differential is a very meaningful stat in sports fraud detection. It doesn't mean everything. But it's directionally accurate. Very accurate. The 2022 Vikings getting pasted by Daniel Jones (V-Giants) in their one and done playoff game is a good reminder as to why. So where are the 2025 Bears at?
Below shows division leading teams (sans tie-breaking considerations) with 7+ wins through their first 10 games since the merger. It's the very bottom of the list starting with a point differential of just +25 and going down from there. Any team with an asterisk won at least one playoff game.
I will contend the 2022 Vikings were bigger frauds despite the higher negative number as they were 8-2 vs the 7-3 2025 Bears. So, we got that going for us. But -6 is where the Bears are at after victories against the Cowboys, Raiders, Commanders, Saints, Bengals, Giants, and Vikings. Yes - that Lions game is holding a lot of weight. For good reason. They are a good team and the Bears are not. We are bad. We are frauds. Sitting up high in the cockpit standings like Frank Abagnale Jr. wondering how in the hell we got here and how bad we're about to crash.
That's… kinda badass.
Oh, and for those who say point differential doesn't mean anything - here's the top of that list with point differentials of 125+. Finding teams with no asterisk is few and far between.
We don't belong. But we're here. Like a delivery man who sweet talked his way into hanging at a Michael Rubin party. That's pretty sweet. I don't think I've felt like this since the Mike Brown back-to-back overtime touchdowns season when we got exposed by McNabb in the Playoffs. The fact of the matter is - we are destined to crash this plane. But until then, we get to sit at the big team table.
Is there a chance we somehow promote again out of fraud and into contender this season? Will an asterisk be spawned to the left of our name two graphs above? Yeah - I don't think so. And I guess that's the thing about being a fraud. Deep down you want to get burned. And I can't see that not happening. Maybe the train wreck of a defense gets better when Jaylon Johnson and Kyler Gordon come back.
Whatever black magic Ben Johnson used in the offseason to get Caleb Williams to transform from one of the worst sack takers to best sack evader, he'll need to use again this summer for accuracy. But I can't see a world where a quarterback so wildly inconsistent against the league's bottom-barrel defenses all the sudden gets it to click vs the pending formidable ones.
It's the same story as last year with him. We thought it was a clown-show coaching problem, but it was really just a Caleb problem. 62.5% passing last year. 59.7% this year. In fairness - his air yards are up and towards the top of the league thanks in part to him overthrowing receivers by five yards on deep third down patterns.
Even that though has it's fraudulent allure. Dude throws 2-3 passes a week only a couple other guys in the world can make mixed in with others you'd only see at a JV scrimmage. It's jarring to the brain to watch. We have literally no clue what will happen on any given play.
Will we keep up the charade? Will we be caught in broad daylight for the fraud of a team we are? It's enough to make the hairs rise.
I don't know how long this plane will keep flying. You don't know either. That's the fun of being a fraud. The excitement of getting caught. And it looks like Christmas is coming early as Mason Rudolph makes his annual holiday season start early in place of Aaron Rodgers. Is Santa sending his best to deliver us our inevitable coal early? Will this be the start to a sharp descent of the plane?
I don't know and neither do you. That's the life of a fraud. It's pretty badass.