Sunday Morning Football Sucks And So Does Being A Dolphins Fan

Well, that was fucking ugly, but a win is a win. Before I even dive into one of the worst football games you’ll ever watch, can we please talk about how awful international NFL games are? And I’m not even talking about the fact that we keep sending two bottom five teams every single time. I’m talking about Sunday morning football. It sucks.

When I lived on the East Coast, I never thought twice about it. Rolling out of bed for a 9:30 AM kickoff isn’t exactly heroic. But then I moved to Chicago. And yeah, 8:30 AM isn’t the end of the world, but it still blows, and it made me think about the poor souls in Mountain and Pacific time. Imagine waking up at 6:30 AM on a Sunday to watch Dolphins vs Commanders. That’s not football, that’s punishment.

And here’s the crazy part, imagine if the game wasn’t a total dud. Imagine it was a back and forth shootout that came down to the wire… and you didn’t see a second of it because it kicked off while you were still unconscious. If you want to play games overseas, fine, make them preseason games. England would set their cities on fire if the Premier League ever played a regular season match in the U.S., yet the NFL feels comfortable shipping off a dozen games a year. It’s ridiculous.

Anyway, onto the Dolphins. I’ve never seen a team less sure of whether it wants to win or lose. Half the time it looked like we were actively tanking. Mike McDaniel going for it with a minute left instead of taking the chip shot field goal to go up three had me thinking, “Oh, cool, the tank is back.” Then the defense turned around and said, “Actually, fuck it, let’s win,” picked off Mariota, and set up the game winning field goal in OT.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I’ve watched this movie a hundred times. The Dolphins are about to rip off a run that will do nothing but hurt us long term. I have zero hope this team can win a playoff game. Even if we sneak in at 9–8, the second the temperature drops below 50 our balls are going to retreat into our stomachs like we’re playing under the northern lights.

This season is just going to end with more false hope that we can win with Tua and Mike McDaniel. You don’t need analytics to see the truth, just open your eyes. After five years you know if a guy has it or not. Tua can be good, but he’s never getting us over that hump. Same with McDaniel. The offense hasn’t sniffed what it once was, and it’s only trending downward.

Once again, this team will be stuck in NFL purgatory: too good for a premium draft pick, not good enough to win anything that matters.