A Redditor Claims He Called the Bengals to Cancel His Season Tickets and They Just Tried to Guilt Him Into Keeping Them

How the mighty have fallen. It was just five seasons ago that the Cincinnati Bengals found themselves where every team dreams of being at the start of training camp, which is holding a lead in the Super Bowl. Specifically, they were up 20-16 over the Rams with just six minutes left. And blew it.

The following season, they were even better, but lost on a last second field goal at Kansas City in the AFC championship game. And since then, they've become the worst thing any franchise can be, which is irrelevant. Not good enough to compete for a ring, but not bad enough to be interesting or be able to rebuild through the draft. Neither fish nor fowl. Neither Jew nor Greek. Just a franchise desperately trying to find the money to keep its core together, but sliding backwards as they do. 

Accordingly, a Redditor named @rarly11 has had enough, decided to do something about it, then took to r/Bengals to relate this sad tale:

If you canceled your season tickets how'd it go?    

 

I called today to cancel my Bengals season tickets for next year and the whole conversation felt super guilt-trippy and argumentative. I was asked if I only wanted to be a season ticket holder when we go to the playoffs and am I just being emotional for losing to the Jets.          

They asked why I was unhappy so I said that I’m frustrated with the front office — mainly the lack of a real scouting department, bad drafts, and how the prices keep going up steeply every year since I joined. Instead of just taking the feedback, they got defensive and said things like this is the front office who drafted Joe Burrow and Tee Higgins. The last thing being asked to me was if I wanted cheap tickets or to pay Jamar Chase and Tee Higgins.

You have to hand it to the Brown family ownership. They've trained their ticket staff well. I mean, why try to make a coherent case for why those tickets are worth hanging onto? Selling your loyal fans on how bright the future is. Making a cogent argument about how this season's 3-7 is a temporary setback. Reminding them that Joe Burrow will be back soon, he's won a Comeback POTY before, and he still has the highest completion % in NFL history. Explaining the plan moving forward that's going to make them a contender starting next year. Or even committing to do better. 

That's a lot of work. It takes effort. Why bother doing any of it when you can just be petulant, like a jilted lover? Resorting to emotional blackmail is not only easy, it's effective a lot of the time. "If you can't love me when I'm 3-7, you don't deserve me when I'm 12-5" is a hell of a business strategy. And if they're smart, they'll staff their call center with a bunch of emotionally needy, insecure teenage girls who "just want their football team to be loved. Is that so wrong???" 

I mean, once they played the "I drafted Joe Burrow and Tee Higgins for you, and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET!" card, what comes next? Crying? Threatening to do something drastic, and then let's see how @rarly11 can live with himself after that? Demanding to know if there's some other team, like those skanky Steelers or those sluts the Browns? 

It's enough to make you wonder how @rarly11 made out in all this. Did he withstand the appeal to emotions, stick to his guns, and end the relationship the way he intended? Did the guilt trip works, so he's give them another chance? We need closure on this anecdote, fella. 

So again, credit where it's due to using the oldest trick in the book and appealing to the emotions of a loyal customer who has just had enough of seeing his loyalty go unrewarded. It sounds like the best approach to telemarketing since Jordan Belfort:

The more traditional approach is to put a winning product on the field and making the public want to pay you to come watch your team. But then again, that's never been the Bengals way.