Do You Think Alexis Ren Gives A FUCK About Being Called "The Lebron James Of Ass Influencers"? But Let's Investigate Her Longevity Anyway

Welcome back to BLAST FROM THE PAST WEEK! Give a click above if you're looking for an update on Sommer Ray's assets, but otherwise stick around here for the current status of OG IG Influencer Alexis Ren. 

As I pointed out in that blog, we owe a great debt to Sommer, Selter, & Ren. Without their pivotal posting efforts in the 2010s who knows what we'd be seeing on social media today. Would there even be any BELFIES (butt-selfies) coming our way? It's a disturbing reality to consider. But thankfully one we don't need to worry about. 

And those ladies weren't just important for the world but also the success of this exact website. The amount of pageviews they generated along with the SEO ad breaks that followed literally launched our entire organization to the moon. 

Who knows where we'd be today without Big Cat endlessly blogging Brugman bazookas, Trent covering PAUUUUULINNAAA, and Nate battling against ClickBaitSmit to create the best Alexis archive. But that was a long time ago, CBS hadn't even chosen love yet! 

However, other than a brief Hubbs blog last June about a new budding movie career, we haven't heard a peep about Ms. Ren around these parts since COVID hit. 

So let's change that today! But before we get to that throwback scroll, I feel compelled to honor the great smut bloggers that came before me. Specifically The GOAT, and The General's best friend CBS. No one did it better than him, until he didn't. 

But it really was a privilege to read his 200 word powerhouses back in the day. SO much effort & love went into each one, you could practically taste it. I mean who could forget this Smits classic from 2018?

Alexis Ren With The IG Story Behind The Scenes Booty Shot From The Bathroom Heavens!

"Alexis with the dagger of a butt selfie from the restroom darkness! On IG Stories, no less! What a tease! I guess Instagram stories is where Alexis is putting her behind the scenes stuff people can basically see anywhere already but will search out anyways! She should put it behind a paywall and call it Alexis Gold! That’s what we call BUSINESS in the biz! I’m all for it! As long as she keeps on pumping out the IG material, I’ll stay on the ever so important, exhausting, and heroic Alexis Ren IG beat! Why do I over-exhaust myself for 3-5 minutes at a time writing these blogs whenever an Alexis Ren IG notification pops on my phone? Because I’m a harder worker! Duh! So much so that I’m basically the 2nd most important person in the company! It’s a tough job getting these clicks but somebody’s gotta do it in the name of PAGEVIEWS!"

And who can forget his 53 word masterpiece from the middle of 2020? CBS in his prime really was a talent like no other. IRREPLACEABLE. 

Hope he's doing okay out there in this crazy world, fingers crossed he's petting some rabbits with a big wide smile right now.

Do You Think Alexis Ren Gives A FUCK Nobody Can See Her Outfit Over The Microphone?

"NOPE!  Whatever helps the pipes loosen and goosen!  Well done, Alexis!  Way to be comfortable while continuing to record music for the world to enjoy, in the middle of a global pandemic, no less!  Down with Covid-19!  Up with spreading love and care throughout humanity on this fair planet Earth!  Go Alexis go!"

Maybe he was born to run, but go Alexis GO indeed… And in that CBS spirit of 200 words or less I bid you adieu & happy hunting on this throwback scroll. Just don't forget to check your texts. Have a great weekend.