Sydney Sweeney Has Been Reportedly Replaced By Convicted Felon Martha Stewart As The New Face Of American Eagle & Their Good Jeans

RIP to Sydney Sweeney HAVING GREAT JEANS, (2025-2025). We hardly knew thee!

But here's a reminder of her campaign in case you're out of the loop. 

Good job, good effort American Eagle... Way to stand by your girl! Oh wait, you're replacing her with Martha Stewart now? Didn't Syd get your stock to soar 25% after her campaign came out? Here I was thinking there was no such thing as "bad publicity"

Somewhere, Sydney Thomas weeps for her fellow blonde bombshell. Why do bad things happen to beautiful people? 

What prompted this sudden change from Sweeney to Stewart though, why stand by Sydney all summer long just to drop her like a bad habit now? 

Gotta wonder if any of this #content had something to do with it… 

Stoeffel: I mean, Trump tweeted about the jeans ad … that just seems like a very crazy moment… 

Sweeney: It was surreal. 

Stoeffel: The risk is that there's a chance that somebody will get some idea about what you think about certain issues … Do you worry about that? 

Sweeney: No. 

Stoeffel: The criticisms were that maybe white people shouldn't joke about genetic superiority … I just wanted to allow you to talk about that specifically. 

Sweeney: I think that when I have an issue that I want to speak about, people will hear.

Well… Who knows! And frankly, WHO CARES! I certainly do not brother. 

You think I give a hell about the sanctity of good jean commercials or convicted felons becoming part of society again? Hell no! If anything, I'm happy for Martha. She's an OG smoke in more ways than one. I'm only putting this blog together because it's the last day of the month and daddy needs those juicy #pageviews baby. Best believe. 

Because we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with blogs. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Lobsterclaw? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Sydney, and you curse the Martha Stewart decision. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know -- that Sydney's Good Jeans campaign dying, while tragic, probably generates even more clicks; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on this blog -- you need me on this blog. We use words like "bombs," "cannons," "mommy milkers." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very #content that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.

I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you write something insidious in the comment section and stand post. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think you're entitled to!

And like I said, let's not forget that Ms. Stewart does have good jeans too. 

Just not quite sure what to make of her denim turkey. 

But don't order the Code Red just yet, I know what you clicked in here for. You'll find that below, in spades. And of course thank YOU for your good jean service Sydney… 

CAN'T WAIT to blog your next season of Euphoria! Sounds like a bonafide banger already. 

Thanks for reading. Appreciate the click friend. Vaya con dios.

PS: if you haven't seen our girl Syd in 'The Voyeurs' yet light some candles & get on that ASAP, you won't regret it Santiago. YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID.