Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 13: Patriots vs. Giants

Things to consider while living in the breezy, sun-drenched, Patriots Aloha-shirted tropical paradise that is the best record in the NFL:

--I've spent the last week in Hawaii. Celebrating Thanksgiving with friends of my beloved sister. Exporting Masshole culture to them. Hitting the beach. Touring Pearl Harbor. Swimming a coral reef where I was serenaded by a fish orchestra conducted by cranky, judgmental little crab. Then I pulled myself out of the pool at the nicest resort I've ever set foot on a Monday afternoon of literally perfect weather, just to watch a football game and post about it. The point I'm making is not that I'm a hero. (Though clearly I am.) I just want to point out I suffer for my art. And now it's your turn. 

--Traditionally on the Big Island of Hawaii where I'm writing this from, mid-November kicks off the start of Makahiki season, which is dedicated to the god Lono, the deity of fertility, agriculture, peace, and the annual renewal of the land. It was during this period in 1779 that British explorer Captain James Cook (the inspiration for Star Trek's Capt. James Kirk) arrived. Due to the timing, the direction he was traveling, and the fact his ships looked very much like the triangular "floating islands" legend claimed Lono sailed upon, Cook was celebrated as a deity when he arrived in Kealakekua Bay. For three weeks, he was lavished with gifts. Dressed in fine garments. Feasted with the finest pork, fruit and vegetables the island had to offer. And the chiefs offered the most desirable women to all of Cook's officers and crew. But as good as all that sounds, no one on those ships had as much fun in those three weeks as I had watching the Giants get boatraced by the best team in the NFL for three hours. That, I can promise you. 

--Simply put, this was a throwback game. Not necessarily befitting the Pat Patriot throwback unis. But more along the lines of the some of the peak years of the Dynasty. Let's say, 2007-2014. Beating up on a trash team. Establishing superiority in all three phases. Physically dominating them. Jumping out to an early lead that is never in doubt. Then controlling the clock and while letting them put up a few insignificant stats that have no bearing on the game. And getting some of your starters to get some time off. Most important of all, playing better in December than you did in the previous months. Making December 1 the first little door you open on the Advent Calendar, so you can enjoy this little chocolate coin that reminds you of the good times ahead. The fact this particular coin happens to be NY Giants Humiliation flavored only makes it that much sweeter.

--If there's a major difference between these Patriots and the seven years I mentioned, it's that Drake Maye has no receiver he targets over all the others. He has no Randy Moss, Wes Welker or Gronk, and last night was a prime example. Eight guys caught passes. One had only a single reception, but it was the play of the night. The rest all had 3 or 4 catches, and only Hunter Henry had more than 40 receiving yards, with 73. That is the pluperfect definition of "distributing." The Platonic Ideal of what Tom Brady used to say about his favorite target being the one who's open. And there's not a quadrant, quintile or sexant of the secondary where he can't find that fella:

--And there was no better example of that than when he set up the opening drive field goal with this pass to Henry. The Giants filled all four gaps with defenders, with the inside linebackers showing A-gap blitzes. So Maye motioned TreVeyon Henderson in for pass protection, then had him release into a sit route. He then occupied the inside LB's with a pump fake to Henderson, which left the Dig window open for Henry:

--Later with a 10-0 lead, he sold a play action, with Henderson releasing into a flare route, which Maye sold with a look off. And when the seam-curl-flat defenders bit on the glance, he hit Henry in the same Cover-2 hole he's been exploiting all season:

Since I'm pretty sure I've used variations of "Exploiting Cover-2 hole" references before, either here or in my high school Human Reproduction final, I'll move on to the two touchdowns Maye threw. The first being the one to Kayshon Boutte that was set up by Henry's catch:

I thought that was an interesting play design by Josh McDaniels. His offense is clearly having short yardage performance issues. Which is OK. It happens to every offense sometimes. It's not something to be ashamed of. And sometimes all it takes is a little variety to spice things up. In this case, he lined up like he was just going to try and pound it in (which hasn't been working), but instead tried Boutte. To mix things up. Iso'd against Cordale Flott. The play was clearly designed as an over-the-shoulder fade, since Maye was looking that way as soon as the ball was snapped. And it was either going to be caught or 2nd & goal from the 3. It worked. And one drive later, they were ready for more. 

It's impossible to look at Kyle Williams route-running, Maye putting the ball on target like a Space-X rocket dropping center mass on the landing pad, and Williams making the grab and not remember how impossible this used to be. For years, everything had to go perfectly. Or an opposing defense had to experience a catastrophic failure, in order to get a TD pass of 30-plus yards. And it happened maybe 4 or 5 times a year. Now you're not wrong to expect it. Williams ran a simple stretch-release. Jab-stepping inside before breaking outside on Paulson Adebo. In this league, half a step is open. Pitch and catch. And the game was effectively over at that point.

--But not so over that we didn't get treated to the good stuff. Again to go back to the peak Dynasty years, the Pats broke an opponent's will and made them lose their collective minds. Whether it was Theo Johnson feeling the need to White Knight his quarterback after Christian Elliss delivered a hit that was so clean it wouldn't have drawn a flag in any of the Wellesley-Needham Thanksgiving Day games. And they've played 138 of them:

Fortunately, in a rare moment of sanity among NFL officials, the penalty was on Johnson for expecting Elliss to send Dart a nice written request that he politely step out of bounds. And CC it to the Giants sidelines. One play later, Marte Mapu also settled Johnson's hash with a clean hit on an attempted 1st down completion, and the Pats defense had successfully forced punts on not one but two drives to start the game for the first time all year.

--And in between, Marcus Jones proved once again he's worthy of every terabyte of hype he's been getting:

I spotted Mapu decleating Dane Belton and Caleb Murphy coming back to get a hand on Chauncey Golston at the point of attack. Beyond that, as far as I can tell, it was Jones. Once he had 8 yards of open turf when he fielded the ball, you had to feel like he had a chance. Those blocks opened up a lane barely wide enough for a lingerie model to catwalk her bony legs through. But once he had one man to beat, you just knew he was gone. It's at the point where, next to Maye, Jones has been the most impactful player on this roster. And soon enough his poster will be on more bedroom walls than One Direction in 2008. 

--And speaking of the Giants losing their collective composure, Younghoe Koo:

… going full Aragorn:

… and nearly breaking his foot like Viggo Mortenson did was pure cinema. A callback to the great days of Buttfumbles and the Dolphins snapping it into the holder's facemask and a hundred other unforced errors that always seem to be forced when bad teams face a superior opponent. Which the Patriots are once again. And it's beautiful.

--Yet if there can be one own-goal by the Giants I'd love to think the Patriots caused, I wish it could somehow be Andre Carter getting benched. Yes, there are rumors out there. Unsubstantiated. By notorious troll accounts:

Which doesn't prove this one to be true. Neither does it disprove it. I do wish it to be true, because I never want to let the truth get in the way of a good story. And because it would give new meaning to Joe Buck saying, "Andre Carter is still looking for his first full sack." If it somehow does turn out to be true, let's hope he's got good taste in his selection. Something tasteful. With high production values, that the whole team could enjoy. Personally, seeing the Patriots improve to 11-2 and the Giants dropping to 2-11 is all the erotic romance I need until Wuthering Heights comes out on Valentine's Day.

--Speaking of Carter, it should be lost on no one that he barely made an impact on the game, despite the fact he's perhaps the most hyped Edge defender to come into the league since Myles Garrett, and was lining up against backups on 40% of the O-line. Vederian Lowe and Ben Brown stepped up on Carter. His sack was yet another of those ones where Maye starts to escape and gets caught at the line of scrimmage for a "sack," which he's probably leading the league in. I don't mind these opposing Front-7 guys getting the garbage stats. In fact, I hope it costs other teams all the incentive bonuses possible. I just don't want Pats O-linemen getting held accountable for what is essentially a run for no gain. 

--Also stepping up in the face of injuries were Cory Durden (several run stuffs for no- or minimal gains and at least TFL), Joshua Farmer (who rushed Dart, sniffed out a screen, and came back upfield to make the tackle) and Elijah Ponder (who was moving the line of scrimmage much of the night), subbing in for Milton Williams and Khyiris Tonga. But along the line, Christian Barmore drew the most duty, moving inside and out from down-to-down. And I'll be shocked if he didn't end up taking at least 85% of the defensive snaps as the rotation has gotten really thin the past couple of weeks. 

--But the defensive player of the game was Elliss. That hit not only demonstrated the Patriots are a team that's going to make you think twice about staying in bounds when the comfort and safety of the bench is beckoning, he and Jack Gibbens were on the field for the entire 2nd half, presumably to give Robert Spillane a breather, with Gibbens wearing the green dot and making all the adjustments. And on their watch NYG managed 8 insignificant points.

--I have no particular beef with Dart. But if I was a Giants fan (by the grace of God I am not), I'd think carefully about whether I want to put my hopes in a guy who has more ways to celebrate touchdowns than ways to score them. And who wears the necklace for all the Christmas ads where "Every kiss begins with Kay."

--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote (tie):

1. "I'm here in Hawaii now, just living in a hotel." - Peter Bretter, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2. "Where's the Giant, Mansley???!" - General Rogard, The Iron Giant

--Best record in the league. The bye week sandwiched between two home games. Buffalo coming to town next. And the chance to wrap up the division. And this little gem of a metric of success:

Mele Kalikimaka, indeed. 

I'll see you back in Mass. in a few days. Aloha.