Some People Just Can't Handle The N64 Drinking Life

A classic yack for a classic game. The N64 boozing life isn’t for the weary. Take it from any Beerio Kart warrior. Drunk Driving while playing Mario Kart is what separates the men from people with rational thoughts, hopes, and dreams. If you’re not absolutely blitzed by the time you get on the onramp to Toad’s Turnpike then you’ve got the alcohol tolerance of a brick wall. To alter a line from the great Dave Attell, when you play Beerio Kart you don’t know where you’ll end up but when you know when you get there you won’t be wearing any pants.

I would love to booze it out to The Ocarina Of Time but would be in fear of really letting my emotions get the best of me. Crying at this age is not a good look for anyone. But that’s what happens when you had better relationship growing up with the horse Epona than you did with most of your immediate family.