Snow Is Awesome From 4 Years Old Until The Second You Graduate College, Now It's The Worst

Is that so, Capital Weather Gang? An increase from the 3 feet you just predicted? Yeah bro, keep me updated with this spectacular news. That sounds lovely. I’m sure we’re completely prepared for this. Won’t even cause a hiccup. I’m so sure.

The thing is, snow fucking sucks. It just does. Snow is awesome from 4 years old til the second you graduate college and then it becomes the biggest asshole possible. When you’re a kid, obviously a snow day was the greatest gift you could get. Waking up and watching the counties scroll across the bottom of the TV and then seeing yours is the closest any of us will get to winning the lottery. Same feeling.

In college, snow days are better than Christmas. Unexpected day drinking, stealing trays from the cafeteria to sled on, everyone on campus having a great time. There is no real-world equivalent to a college snow day. It’s just one of those “college isn’t real life, you’re living in a utopia” type of things.

Then you become an adult. You get a place with a couple of roommates and have street parking. You have to shovel out a spot, shovel out your car, and drive to work on icy roads at 6:30 in the morning. Your feet are wet for half the day in the office. You look outside and it starts snowing again, and instead of the happiness snow used to make you feel, all you can think is “great, that’s another hour on my commute and I still don’t have any gas”.

I’m lucky now that I’ve left the cube life and don’t have to deal with as much of that bullshit anymore. But I am scarred for life from that misery. Now I don’t go outside much and I still think snow sucks. It’s such an inconvenience to anything you want to do. It takes away your freedoms. I guess you could say snow is literally Gitmo. Literally. Being an adult sucks enough as it is, you don’t have to add 3 feet of snow into that equation.

So college kids, savor this. Enjoy your last days of loving the snow. The nice fresh powder, the snowday parties, the pouring flavored vodkas over snowballs and getting extremely drunk. Because the good life doesn’t last forever.

PS: Why don’t we all move to San Diego? Live look at San Diego:

I could be a Padres fan. Just add another team to my arsenal, why not? I could #BOLTUP. Sierra Nevadas on deck! Do they like the Warriors in San Diego? If so, I’m totally in.

But for now, this is me: