What The Hell Are You Supposed To Do At A Bachelor Party?

Little fun fact about me: I’ve never been to a bachelor party. I’m not sure if that’s weird for a 27 year old? I feel like I should have been to one by now, but an important thing to remember when considering that is the fact that I’m not a “fun person” so I don’t have “friends.” The ones I do have are nowhere near married. So, to this point, I’ve never done it.

Yet someone was silly enough to choose me as a best man so now, having never been to a bachelor party, I’m in charge of planning one. I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m performing open heart surgery using tips I find on the internet and a YouTube “how to” video. I ruled Vegas out right away because neither the groom nor I are gamblers/club guys/or have money. If you ask me, Vegas isn’t much of a draw for gentlemen who fall into all three of those categories.

I decided on Nashville because, well, Nashville is the best city in America except for maybe New Orleans. But when I mentioned Nashville to a friend who’s going to a bachelorette party there she replied, “That’s so fun! Where’s the house you’re renting? Ours is so sick. And what activities do you have planned? We’re doing so much cool stuff.”

Huh?

What the fuck do you mean house rentals and “plans”? Does that stuff transfer to bachelor parties or is organizing shit just for girls and Tony Romo paintball competitions? I was gonna tell everyone what day to get in, what hotel to stay at, then we were going to go to bars, BBQs, and strip clubs. It’s pretty much a normal weekend except you drink more and it’s done in a different location, right? I have to plan stuff?

I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy. I carry my passport instead of my wallet, so I can leave the country at the drop of a hat (because I lost my wallet so many times the DMV won’t give me a license. I think they think I’m selling them). I don’t want itineraries and plans. Wake up and see where the day takes you, that’s my policy.

So help me out, I beg of you. Do I need events and whatnot scheduled or can we just show up and drink? I was thinking have a nice dinner or two planned and that’s about it. I had no desire to start planning Grand Ol Opry tours and shit. Tell me I don’t have to, please.