Jared From Subway Got His Ass Beat In Prison

NYDN – Convicted pedophile and ex-Subway pitchman Jared Fogle was pummeled in a vicious prison yard attack, according to a new report. The disgraced Indiana sex offender suffered a swollen face, scratched neck and bloody nose at the hands of convicted armed robber Steven Nigg during the Jan. 29 beatdown at Colorado’s Englewood FCI, a low-security prison in Litton, according to TMZ.  Nigg, 60, tackled Fogle during the brawl and pummeled his face in the facility’s recreation yard. Nigg, who is serving time for a gun conviction tied to a decades-old Arizona crime spree, walked away from fracas unscathed, save for a cut-up hand, but was punished with solitary confinement, the site reported. Nigg is slated for a 2024 release from federal custody while Fogle will have to wait out an additional five years to wrap up his sentence for charges related to possessing child pornography and having sex with underage prostitutes.

Its gonna be a lonnngggg 15 years for Subway Jared. And he deserves every single second of it. Not even because of the whole pedophile thing. Like yea obviously when you’re a kid toucher you get your ass whooped all day long and thats the exact punishment you deserve, but its more than that. Its stupid fucking Jared shoving Subway sandwiches down our throat for like a decade lying about how he was losing weight. Dude you did not lose 300 pounds eating those sandwiches. The rolls at subway are the softest, most synthetic, delicious carbohydrate torpedos on the planet. You dont lose weight by eating that bread. Not Oprah. Not Jared. You fucking liars. You know that smell at Subway? That undeniable, impossible to replicate smell? Thats the smell of carbs making you fat. So get lost with your false advertising and pedophilia, man.

Also havent you ever watched an episode of Sons of Anarchy? Or Oz? Or Prison Break? You show up to prison fat and white with a bullseye on your asshole, the first thing you do is find the Aryan Nation. Get a swastika tattoo and get the protection of White. Everyone knows thats how you survive in prison. Watch ONE TV show for me one time, Jared. You fat pedophile.