Pope Francis Publishes Highly Anticipated Paper On Divorce, Gays and More

NYT — In a broad proclamation on family life, Pope Francis on Friday called for the Roman Catholic Church to be more welcoming and less judgmental, and he seemingly signaled a pastoral path for divorced and remarried Catholics to receive holy communion.

The 256-page document — known as an apostolic exhortation and titled “Amoris Laetitia,” Latin for “The Joy of Love” — calls for priests to welcome single parents, gay people and unmarried straight couples who are living together.

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But Francis also makes clear the vision he wants local bishops and priests to follow: as a church that greets families with empathy and comfort rather than with unbending rules and rigid codes of conduct.

I know KFC is our resident Catholic, often quoting Bible passages on Twitter and hanging transcripts from Vatican Radio on his fridge. But as our “real news type shit” guy, I’d be remiss if I didn’t cover the day’s top global news story.

I think we’re all in agreement that Pope Francis is the “cool girl Chrissy Teigen” of Popes. He’s constantly firing off #hottakesonly and rocking the whole “I take the bus to work” Warren Buffett schtick. He’s PR savvy and, obviously, the media eats it up.

Not me. Spotlight is still way, way too fresh for me to buy any of this shit. When he says, “A pastor cannot feel that it is enough to simply apply moral laws to those living in ‘irregular’ situations,” I’m inclined to agree. But then you MUST back that statement up. Don’t half-ass it:

But Francis once again closed the door on same-sex marriage, saying it cannot be seen as the equivalent of heterosexual unions.

What? You’re literally applying “moral laws” but denying real laws (marriage rights/blessings) to homosexuals. As a potential employee at an office that’s currently looking for a gay, funny intern, I find this wildly hypocritical and offensive.

Look, am I a god-fearing religious man? No, I’m not. But I don’t shit on people that are. If you want to believe in god go ahead. If I’m to believe that hot chicks want to fuck a 5-foot-2 Canadian pop singer or that giant balls of rock and iron float around each other connected by an invisible, untouchable force, then who am I to rag on others for believing in god? We inhabit a bizarre, unpredictable world and I have zero qualms with you telling yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to make a little sense of it all (with the exception of violent Jihad). But eating up the Catholic Church’s elastic bullshit and aligning your life and your beliefs based on their latest take on issues is absolute lunacy.

I get that Pope Francis is a little cooler than previous Popes. Sure. But it’s going to take a lot more than “we shouldn’t judge gays but no, they’re definitely not the same as heterosexuals” for me to start picking up what the Church is putting down. At the end of the day, here’s my main takeaway from this 256-page papal paper:

The document offers no new rules or marching orders, and from the outset Francis makes plain that no top-down edicts are coming.

(For a quick, closer look at the specific topics Francis addressed, the Times summarized them well here.)

PS – Had a fun time seeing what I can get away with with the Apple/FBI piece this morning. Guess I’ll have to scrap the “President Lincoln Shot, Now In Critical Condition” blog.