ISIS Facing Work Shortage Because Terrorists Keep Getting Doctors' Notes To Get Out Of Terrorizing

Washington (CNN) – ISIS is facing cash and manpower shortages, the deputy commander of the counter-ISIS coalition said Tuesday.

His statement was reinforced by newly obtained internal ISIS documents. The cache shows the group struggling for funds — some of which are used to pay for sex slaves — and calling on fighters to use less electricity and stop driving official cars for personal use. The fighters, meanwhile, seem to be suffering low morale, in some case seeking doctors’ notes to avoid serving on the frontlines.

Maj. Gen. Peter E. Gersten told reporters that attacks on ISIS finances and personnel had reduced the number of foreign fighters joining ISIS from 1,500-2,000 per month a year ago to 200 per month today.

“We’re actually seeing an increase in now the desertion rates in these fighters. We’re seeing a fracture in their morale. We’re seeing their inability to pay. We’re watching them try to leave Daesh,” Gersten said, using another name for ISIS.

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ISIS…they’re just like us! They try to snake it out of work with fake doctor’s notes. They struggle budgeting their money. They use the corporate cards and company cars when they’re not supposed to. They get overworked and overstressed. They waste their paychecks on sex slaves. Are we really so different after all?

The documents detail how ISIS fighters are being paid, with fighters receiving additional stipends for their wives, children and sex slaves.

The average fighter is receiving “$50 a month, with an additional $50 for each wife, $35 for each child, $50 for each sex slave, $35 for each child of a sex slave, $50 for each dependent parent, and $35 each for other dependents,” according to the document.

Al-Tamimi said in the report that he received confirmation of these pay scales through conversations with ISIS-linked fighters during a visit to Syria.

The internal directives also call on ISIS fighters to reduce their electricity consumption and to stop driving official vehicles for personal use, a curbing of “perks” al-Tamimi said was indicative of an organization under financial strain.
Documents obtained earlier had shown that ISIS members stationed in Raqqa, Syria, ISIS’ de facto capital, had to undergo a 50% pay cut.

Perhaps even more troubling for ISIS, the documents indicate that the organization is struggling to field adequate troops.

Al-Tamimi’s paper said that the internal records show failed attempts to call-up additional fighters in the wake of defeats at al-Shaddadi in northeastern Syria and during the battle for Palmyra in central Syria.

Al-Tamimi also noted that in October, ISIS had “issued a general amnesty for deserters” in a bid to bolster its ranks.
The manpower shortage was fueled in part because ISIS fighters were trying to get fake notes from doctors in order to get out of combat, according to some records.

Feel like 99% of ISIS are just a bunch of lazy assholes who want to eat food and play video games all day, maybe complain about Western values and the lack of a worldwide Muslim caliphate a little bit, but definitely not have the energy to do anything about it after they hit the blunt a few times. It’s that damn scumbag 1% that keeps up carpet bombing motherfuckers.