If You're Not Eating Frozen Sour Patch Kids You're A Fool

I was at a friend’s place the other day and went to make myself a drink but when I opened the freezer to grab some ice cubes, something else entirely caught my eye: a big bag of Sour Patch Kids. “Chewy snacks in the freezer? What world is this?” I thought, but I’ll try anything once so I gave it a whirl. Game. Changer. I’d previously considered myself something of a snacking expert but had only frozen candy bars like Snickers and Milky Ways. What an idiot I was, what a fucking idiot.

And apparently I’m not the only one. A Google search of “Frozen Sour Patch Kids” turns up bupkis. You look for that and you find some slushies, popsicles, and, for some reason, Sour Patch themed fingernails. Nowhere can you find a simple picture of the delicious treat sitting in an ice box and that’s why I had to take my own (the gluten free waffles are not mine, gross. The vodka and candy is. Watch out everyone, we’ve got an adult over here).

So I guess this is something of an unknown and I’d like to name myself the pioneer of it. Put your Sour Patch Kids in the freezer, chew those frozen sugar people, let them thaw in your mouth as the sourness melts away your tastebuds, end enjoy it. Because it’s delicious. It’s so fucking delicious.