Bartolo Colon Told Gio Gonzalez To Throw The Ball Right Down The Middle Because He Wasnt Going To Swing. Also Happy 43rd Birthday To Big Sexy
*Sexy Marilyn Monroe Voice*
Hap-py birth-day Big Sexxxxxyyyyyyy
Hap-py birth-day. To. You.
Its the Big 4-3 for the Big Sexy. Oldest player in baseball, obviously. How did he celebrate his name day? By mowing down the Nationals for 7 innings and then pulling his tit out on TV last night. Tit out for the Boys for King Bart. My favorite part of last night’s start aside from the dominant win was Tolo telling the catcher “I’m not swinging so just throw strikes:”
Washington Post – Bartolo Colon allowed five hits in seven innings in the Mets’ 7-1 win at Nationals Park on Monday. The portly pitcher, who turned 43 on Tuesday, was backed by home runs from David Wright, Yoenis Cespedes and Neil Walker. The run support was nice because Colon, who hit his first career home run on May 7 at San Diego, had no plans of helping his own cause with his bat and told Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos as much. “I thought it wasn’t worth it to swing,” Colon, who has been dealing with a sore back since his start in San Diego, said after the game. “I swing at the balls pretty hard, and I thought it’s not worth making my back worse. I told their catcher from the beginning, ‘Just throw it right down the middle. I’m not swinging.’ After that first at-bat, they threw me a change-up. I was like, ‘No, I promise you. Throw it right down the middle. I’m not going to swing.’ ”
Like, for real though, guys. I’m not swinging. I swear. Bible. I’ll pinky promise. You cant blame the Nats for not believing him. Did you see what he did to James Shields just a few weeks ago? Stuffed him inside of a locker that was then zipped up in a body bag with his Titanic home run in San Diego. You think Bryce Harper can go up to the plate and say “Hey guys just groove them over. Promise I wont try?” No. And Big Sexy has proven with the stick that you cant take him lightly.
Carton was talking this morning about how if this same news report was about Matt Harvey, the entire city would be up in arms. Full blown outrage. And he’s right. That would be the case. And yes, hes right, thats a double standard. But Bartolo has entered that Manny Being Manny territory with this stuff. For 2 reasons:
1) He’s fat. I actually could probably stop right here with the reasons. Being fat is 99.9% of Bartolo’s charm and allure. When you’re fat you’re funny and likable. Bartolo aint flaunting his Ferragamos in the Village pretending to be Bruce Wayne. Bartolo is just a fat dude born to play ball and people love that.
2) He’s pretty damn good. Or, hes as good as he needs to be. Prior to his last start Tolo was second behind Kershaw is BB:K ratio (Btw, what Kershaw is doing is BANANAS). Tolo has the most wins on the Mets since 2014. Tolo has exceeded any and all expectations. As a starter, in the pen, in the clubhouse. Whatever. So when you see him strike out like a clown, you are able to just laugh it off because he’s playing with house money. When he promises the opposing pitcher can strike him out on 3 pitches, you just laugh it off. Even when he delivers a CLUNKER like he did in LA 2 starts ago, its whatever. When he blatantly ignores a basrunner like last night, you just do what Zimmerman did:
you just kinda shrug. Its just Tolo being Tolo. He’s earned it.
Happy Birthday, big fella.
