The Biggest Story About Lochte Making Up The Lochte Story Is That People Believed Him For Even A Second

First of all anybody who doesn’t love this Ryan Lochte story is an asshole. It’s the only interesting thing that’s happened in the Olympics.  I mean obviously it was never in doubt that Lochte made this shit up. I said that the second this story broke. I mean He’s Ryan Lochte! The dude trademarked the word JEAH. He’s got the weirdest abs in the history of the planet. He’s a doofus. He literally said the robber put a gun on his forehead and told him to get on the ground and he said “whatever”. Umm you think he made it up? Anybody who is even remotely familiar with Ryan Lochte knew it was bullshit. We didn’t need him going on Good Morning America saying he’s telling the truth while completely contradicting his own story to figure it out. (sidenote you know he thought he killed that interview)  We didn’t need the video footage of him getting in a fight at a gas station to know we were getting Lochte’d. All we needed to know is it was Ryan Lochte and he trademarked the word JEAH. Everything else just falls into place after that.

Now the question is what happens next. I mean the dude basically escaped back to America and left his 2 idiot swimmers behind in Brazil to face the music. Another classic Lochte move. I’m dead serious when I say Obama needs to send this clown back to Brazil. In fact I don’t think any American swimmers should be allowed to leave till Lochte is brought back. Round up Phelps and send his ass back too. Make the US swim team compete in a Survivor type show where they swim against barracudas and sharks and shit. The slowest swimmer gets eaten each episode. Turn the whole thing into a reality/torture show. Have Rowdy Gaines announce it. I don’t even care if you want to give out medals for it. It’s a more realistic event then one knee speed canoeing. Make lemonade out of lemons. It would actually make swimming interesting for once. I’m all in on that.

PS – I love people freaking out about what a National embarrassment this is. Umm it’s Ryan fucking Lochte. He doesn’t count.