Don't Worry, Guys. Philly Is Single-Handily Saving The Zoo Gorilla Population
Philly Zoo – Today Philadelphia Zoo welcomed a new addition to the family: a western lowland gorilla baby born to Honi, the Zoo’s 21-year-old female and 31-year old silverback male Motuba. This is the second birth for Honi and the first birth for Honi and Motuba together. Mother and baby appear healthy and will be monitored by Zoo staff in the coming weeks and months. Like newborn humans, gorilla babies rely completely on their mother for care.
Just take a look around the world. Everywhere you turn, there’s another gorilla senselessly being taken from us way too soon at the hands of zoo keepers. But as the rest of the world sits back and watches in horror (read: makes a bunch of jokes on Twitter and capitalizes on the deaths of these gorillas by selling tshirts and koozies), the city of Philadelphia is actually doing something about it. They’re taking gorillas and they’re forcing them to fuck to make some babies. If Cincinnati can’t control their fucking kids and keep having to shoot their gorillas in the head, well then Philly is just going to get a few more gorillas to fuck to make up for it.
It’s not always easy being the City of Champions. When we, as a nation, are facing adversity then the rest of the country looks to Philly for answers. They look to us to right all that is wrong in the world. They look to us to make sense of the world and to restore order. Whether it be in 1776 when Philly saved the world by declaring our independence from those fuck boi British pricks. Or 2015 when Philly saved the world by killing HitchBOT. Or 2016 when the brutal murder of an innocent ape took the world by storm. Philly has been there for it all and we’ve never asked for anything in return. A little respect and admiration would be nice but we don’t do these things for ourselves, we do it for America.
Still no word on the name yet but I think we all know that this little fella is a Harambe Jr.