Tina Fey And Jimmy Fallon Play Delco Gals In A Shockingly Awful Weekend Update Bit
Stay in character and don’t laugh at yourself for me one time, Fallon. ONE TIME. So this is where we’re at with comedy, eh? Fuck actual jokes and substance. Let’s just dress up a couple famous people in front of the camera and hope magic happens. I mean, Christ, Lorne. I at least get the inside references and still thought it was awful. At least make it realistic to Delaware County and replace Tina Fey’s Villanova gear with a bowling team shirt and give Jimmy Fallon’s character alcoholism.
But is this for real where suburban Philly women may actually decide the outcome of the election? Because if that’s for real, shit. Judging by every Aunt’s collective Facebook wall this country could be headed for a disaster of Biblical proportions. I know both candidates aren’t ideal but if the election is ultimately left up to these women then who know whoever they pick will be the wrong choice. And that’s assuming they remember to vote on the way back from the liquor store. Which is a big assumption.
Unrelated but related, the country may be a better place if they just gave out the DELCO canned beer for free on election day and everyone skipped the poles. Some people just want to watch the world burn, but at least the chaos will only be relegated to one county.
DELCO – Just in time for summer, one of the region’s most promising breweries is set to debut a canned version of its popular American amber lager, specially branded with a local stamp of approval. Aston-based 2SP Brewing Company, launched last year with lineup of seven beers, announced on Monday that it will release a canned version of Delco Lager to area distributors beginning next week. “We couldn’t be more excited about releasing this beer in cans because it is a beer we brewed for our home and our people,” the brewery wrote in a Facebook post. “This beer is great for primo hoagies and chill nights, Delco tacos (pizza), tail gaiting, corn hole, a compliment to filet or cheese burger, and best drank with a no b.s. sensibility.” Cases and six packs will go on sale out of the brewery this Saturday, June 10, and will be released to regional distributors on June 13. Bbranded as the “All Weather Beer,” Delco Lager will be a malty American amber with a “whiskey flavor.”
That’s it. May God have mercy on everything. The draft version has been around for a bit, but now we have the honor of seeing these cans littered outside every shanty in the region. First off, those cans are WAY to bright colored and uplifting to be Delco represented. Those things should be dark, soulless and possibly be wrapped inside a ’96 Ty Detmer jersey. Also, “malty American Amber with a whiskey flavor”, my dick. It’s not allowed to resemble anything close to decent. That beer needs to reek of broken high school football dreams and taste like a drunk uncle’s tears over his massive gambling debt. And the “All Weather Beer”? Trust me, if there’s one thing Delcoians need it isn’t an alcoholic beverage that encourages them to drink during all four seasons. As if anyone in Delco has ever reconsidered drinking based on the forecast, anyways. What’s right is right, and Delco needs to be represented properly. No word on if it comes with the jorts, aggressive Eagles tattoos, and subtle, yet strong, hints of racism.