Girl Scout Cookie Cereals Are Coming Out In January And I Am Beyond Excited

CNN- When fans of Girl Scout cookies place their orders next year, they won’t have to wait weeks for the boxes to arrive. They’ll only have to wait till breakfast. General Mills announced plans Monday for limited-edition Girl Scout cookie cereal. It will come in two flavors, Thin Mints and Caramel Crunch. Thin Mints are, of course, one of the 12 Girl Scout cookie flavors. Caramel Crunch is not, but both cereals will carry the Girl Scouts brand. General Mills (GIS) said the cereal will go on sale in stores nationwide in January, the start of the traditional cookie-selling season.

This won’t come as much of a surprise to you guys, but I am stoked about this news. Did a little fist pump while sitting at my desk and everything. No longer must we rely on cookie-slinging pre-teen girls to get our Girl Scouts Coookie fix. And don’t even get me started on how cookies aren’t sold year round. Just a bunch of hogwash. But now we can shovel Samoa goodness into our mouths as quickly as our spoons and a dash of milk will let us. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand these won’t taste identically like the actually Girl Scout Cookies. But they will be close enough. My favorite candy in the world is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and my favorite cereal is Reese’s Puffs. The apple usually doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to a cereal that is done correctly, especially General Mills. General Mills marches all over Kellogs’ face when it comes to cereals. Underrated biggest beat down ever.

But I will say this. The Girl Scouts corporation or whatever the hell it is has been getting greedy. You can’t go 10 feet in a grocery store without seeing Girl Scout Cookies candy bars or tea or whatever. Lets chill out once the cereal comes out. Too much of a good thing can actually be bad. Even Girl Scout Cookie greatness. Now start working on Tagalongs cereal ASAP.

And just because it’s topical, here’s a throwback to my Girl Scout Cookies power rankings:

12. Cranberry Citrus Crisps: Nice try, Girl Scouts.  I guarantee this cookie came out when the scouts were trying some new health initiative.  Cranberries suck and citrus is a nice way of saying “orange, lemon, and a bunch of shitty flavors”.  They probably sell these in Mrs. Greens all year round so fat kids have something they can have for dessert.

11. Lemonades: Simply put, fuck you if you like lemon flavored cookies.

10. Savannah Smiles: They named this cookie after a porn star, right?  Anyway, fuck you again if you like lemon flavored cookies.  The powdered sugar and potentially sexual name bumps these up the list, however.

9. Rah-Rah-Raisins: The only time it is acceptable to eat raisins is in cookies.  It is never acceptable to eat Greek yogurt, however.  These made it to #9 because the name is fun to say.

9. Thanks-A-Lot: A pretty boring cookie.  Should be called Go-Fuck-Yourself.

7. Trios: Chocolate chips + peanut butter + oatmeal cookie = Perfect, right?  Almost.  But this is a gluten free cookie, which only enables more people who don’t need to eat gluten-free to do so.  These people are the worst people on planet Earth.  Little known fact: ISIS actually started as a gluten-free support group.

6. Shortbread: As boring as the day is long.  But there is some major nostalgia with shortbreads, since they were probably the first cookie ever created in the history of Earth.  The missionary position of the cookie industry.  

5. Do-si-dos: Oatmeal and peanut butter cookies on their own are heavyweights in the game.  Combined they create this gem.  However, we have all been in that situation where you say “I want the peanut butter cookies” and someone gave you Do-si-dos when you really wanted Tagalongs.  Greek tragedy type stuff.

4. Toffee-tastic:  Toffee is the most underrated candy in the game.  You never see anyone eat Heath bars, but whenever you hear someone get toffee cookies or toffee in their ice cream, you tip your cap.  The entire marketing department at Heath bar should be fired for this reason alone.  And don’t complain about getting toffee in your teeth.  Corn in the cob is one of the best parts of summer, and that shit lives in your teeth from Memorial Day until Labor Day.

3. Thin Mints: The Kobe Bryant of Girl Scout cookies.  Both have been around forever and have a ton of fan fare.  But their reputations these days are better than their actual performance.  Putting Thin Mints in the freezer is like Kobe getting his blood doctored in Germany.  It helps for a short time, but they will never be the best again.

2. Tagalongs: These things are the clear #2 and are peanut buttery smooth like Kevin Durant.  But they miss that extra gear to put them over the top.

1. Samoas: Caramel, chocolate, and coconut on a cookie is the complete package.  Samoas are like LeBron James.  They are the best around and any debate trying to prove otherwise is just hating on the king.