Thoughts On Throwing Away The Holy Bible?

Yesterday I moved apartments. Moving apartments is the worst it sucks fuck my life etc etc etc. Anyway, at the end of packing your stuff into the uhaul you obviously have to clean out your old apartment so you get your security deposit back — that always comes with simply throwing shit away. You get to a point where you’re like “fuck everything, just chuck it.” Your arms don’t work. Your legs are fried. Your brain is mush. Dishes, glasses, old laptops, entire pieces of furniture just getting thrown straight into the trash. Can’t throw shit away fast enough.

So as we’re clearing out one of the last shelves my buddy comes across a copy of the bible. The Holy Bible chilling there at the bottom of this shelf. We’ve been throwing anything and everything away for 10 minutes now and neither one of us is a religious person and I’m not even sure he or I believe in god or faith or really anything at all, but it got interesting.

Friend: (looks at bible, looks up at Riggs) I dunno, what do you think?

Riggs: Trash.

Friend: I mean, I feel like that’s not a great idea.

Riggs: Who cares just throw it out.

Friend: (offers bible to Riggs) … Okay, then you do it.

Riggs: (pauses for several seconds) … Alright let’s just take it with us.

And so we have a bible in our new apartment. No idea where it is or if it will ever pop up again but it’s there. It’s in our apartment because you can’t just throw away a bible right? Feel like that’s a fucking horrific idea. Can’t be walking around the wild streets of New York with crazy bikers and luny cabbies buzzing my tower and that kind of karma weighing on my conscience. I’m not convinced the Pearly Gates are real but if they are and I nonchalantly threw away that bible, how nervous am I standing in that line? Pissing my pants as I waltz up to god asking for access to heaven? Hoping he just forgot about that time I threw his literary gift to humanity in the trash cuz my arms were tired?

Oh and probably worth noting there was a vicious lightning storm carrying on throughout this whole ordeal. Relax Zeus, we’re taking it with us.