#21) The Best Day Of The Year, The Annual NFL Coaches Picture Day!
I don’t know what it says about me as a person but the Head Coach picture is always my favorite day of the year. I think that may be my pinnacle as a Journalist (yeah I said Journalist). To one day be around this picture when it takes place. It never dissapoints. Let’s hop into it, in no particular order.
Bruce Arians
Is there a chance Bruce Arians is getting too “white guy fly”? He’s been doing the Kangol for years, a move that is close to impossible to pull off, but now he’s matching the white Kangol with the white shirt and the red stripe (for the Cardinals). All the while being the only guy in attendance to have sunglasses on. Bruce Arians is a few months away from holding swinger parties in his Arizona Cul De Sac. Little too cocky for my liking. Something to keep an eye on.
Mike McCarthy
Does this look like the face of a Wisconsin man who wasted another season having an all world quarterback? Did Mike McCarthy spend the past 3 months sitting in his boxers eating Mayo out of a jar with the shades drawn? Don’t answer that question, I know it’s true.
Doug Pederson
You know the dad that is semi retired, plays a lot of golf, and spend his entire adult life with a visor on his head? Then when he takes the visor off he just looks weird and out of place. That’s Doug Pederson. Also there’s a 99.9% chance Doug Pederson is riding that shirt out through Easter Sunday. Getting the pastels going nice and early.
Jim Caldwell
Also never a good sign when your own team has to point out who you are.
Jack Del Rio
I don’t know why Jack Del Rio is dressed for a funeral, or why he’s getting that extra space in the back that makes me think he farted. But I will say this. If the Raiders want to be good again, this is exactly what Jack Del Rio needs to do. Show up in his best funeral attire, don’t speak to anyone, and send out that bad boy Raiders vibe they’ve been missing for years.
Dan Quinn
*Mumbling to himself*
“Field Goal”
“What was that Dan?”
“Oh nothing, sorry, was just saying if we wanted to we could kick a field goal here, at least that would be my call”.
“We’re taking a picture, it’s the middle of March, what are you even talking about?”
“Nevermind”
*Goes back to daydreaming about field goals*
Chip Kelly
When your mom makes you put on a nice shirt for class picture day and everyone knows you’d rather be in a hoodie and sweatpants.
Bonus, because I’m pretty sure it’s the same shirt, never dry cleaned, just slipped the tie out.
Jeff Fisher and John Fox
First of all, the cream jacket from Jeff, holy moly, I need to take a cold shower. So LA, so smooth, and he even kept his patented “I just came from the bathroom and didn’t have time to tuck my dress shirt back into my jeans look”. As for the arm placement, well I don’t want to say this is bad news for the Bears but let’s be honest, Jeff Fisher is sort of owning John Fox with that pose. Patting him on the back like here little guy, I’ll give you some extra shoulder space. First offseason move by the Bears that has me legitimately worried. Can’t let another man go behind you like that, just can’t.
We have also discussed this before but shoulder room is a trickle down effect. Jeff Fisher has to go one shoulder not because of John Fox. It’s because Bill O’Brien and Mike McCarthy are hogging it all. No respect for the shoulder game.
Mike Zimmer
Mike Zimmer is the guy that you tell to dress up and he shows up in jeans and a pair of 29 dollar Doc Martins he’s had since his senior year frat formal back in College. Any shock that this is also the person that routinely eats dinner at McDonalds? No doubt in my mind that Mike Zimmer owns three suits, and 2 of them he got free for purchasing the first one at Jos. A Banks.
Adam Gase and Mike Tomlin.
All business crew.
“Guys can you smile?”
“We are smiling”
“Show some teeth please”
“Just take the damn picture mom and leave us alone”
Rex Ryan
Has there ever been a bigger “free shirt” guy than Rex Ryan? You know the guy I’m talking about. The friend of yours that will sign up for a credit card at a game in order to get the free shirt. Or when the Bud Light girls are walking around the bar handing out free swag, he’ll make sure he gets that sweet shirt even if it’s not even in his size. Free is free, bro. That’s Rex Ryan. Oh you mean I can have all these Buffalo Bills shirts? For Free!?!?!
*Never wears anything else ever again*
Ben McAdoo
“Hi my name is Ben, thank you for choosing Enterprise Rent a Car, do you have a reservation I can look up?”
Hue Jackson
Is apparently a midget? Sit up Hue, It look like Todd Bowles brought his kid brother to picture day.
Pete Carroll
Pete Carroll going top button on a golf shirt means he still isn’t over that Super Bowl interception. Either that or he just watched an awesome infowars youtube on 9/11 and didn’t have time to get ready.
Mike McCoy
Going no socks and being the asshole that reminds everyone they live in a warm climate.
“How was your winter? How much snow did you have to shovel? Oh man that sounds awful. What was that? Socks? Oh yeah I don’t even own a pair of socks. I’m usually in sandals this time of year, lucky I even found a pair of shoes, must have been from when I was an assistant up in Denver”.
And last but certainly not least. The one man missing that truly breaks my heart, Andy Reid. No Hawaiian shirt Andy means this year’s picture is knocked down a full letter grade. But we always have our memories.
