Probably Best Not To Tease The Polar Bear Or He'll Try To Headbutt His Way To Your Jugular

YT – I was visiting St. Louis Zoo. My wife and I had just bought our 3 year old Emma a stuffed doll. She was holding it up to the glass so the polar bear could see it. The polar bear got agitated, reared up and head-butted the glass making the ground beneath us shake. The force of these animals is great.

Why, yes, Father Of The Millennium. The force of a polar bear is rather great enough to, I don’t know, not have your fucking child tease the man eating beast into coming after her face. Who would have their delicious toddler tease a predator that’s been locked up and hasn’t hunted in years? That’s like being in prison for a decade looking out the window and seeing Kate Upton spread eagle wanting you to take her to squirt city. Inhumane. Not to mention she’ll probably have a seizure and the shits every time she watches a Coca-Cola commercial. Get the kid away from the glass. Gotta admit though that Penguin was dressed Fabulousssssssss. No shit the bear wanted to add it to his collection.

But for real, I’m sometimes like a degenerate poker player yelling ‘One time! One time!’ when watching these videos. Just once in my lifetime outside of a 1999 Fox special I want to watch these jerks learn first hand whose nuts hang lower in the Animal Kingdom. It’s happened before, and it will happen again. And, no, I’m not wishing ill will on that or any kid. But you know what? Sometimes examples have to be made before Idiocricy becomes (more of a) reality.