After Last Night's Grammys I Have To Ask: Is Bruno Mars Currently The Best Performer Alive?
OK, I’m not saying this because that performance was the best ever or anything. Or because I am a Bruno Mars fan boy (damn that looks kinda weird in writing). I am saying this because Bruno is a pure electric factory. That word gets used a lot on this here blog, but he fits the definition to a tee. He has the voice of an angel, can slice and dice the fuck out of a rug, can cut a promo like the best WWF wrestlers of all-time, and has a smile more infectious than the latest plague to run through Barstool HQ. Think about who else could be higher than Bruno. First up is Justin Timberlake obviously. He’s worn the crown for years. But isn’t JT semi-retired at this point? There isn’t a lot of new material coming out of his camp these days, he is 36 and a dad. I love kids, but they suck the energy and the soul out of you. Think about how many actors and musicians fell off a cliff once they started popping out babies. Having kids may be the 2nd most detrimental thing that can happen to a musician outside of turning 27.
As for other competitors, The Weeknd drops fire whenever a new single comes out, but every time I see him perform, he is basically just walking on stage. He is either a bad dancer or more scared to dance in front of people than Brennan from Step Brothers was to sing in front of people. You can’t take the iron throne if you can’t bring the crowd to its knees with your feet. And I guess we have to lump Beyonce into the mix too since she has a hoard of legit crazy people that think she is the queen of the god damn world. But her performance last night was closer to a 20 year old dance quintet than anything actually entertaining.
Bruno on the other hand is basically Playoff Mo Rivera these days. You need someone in a big spot and can’t trust anyone else? You are putting Bruno there. When Beyonce put the entire audience at home to sleep, who was scheduled to come up next to wake them up? Bruno Mars. When the Grammys needed someone to absolutely NAIL a Prince tribute as a 10 hour show was starting to finally wind down, who did they tab? Bruno motherfucking Mars. Name one other person that could have pulled off Prince the way Bruno did. You can’t. Granted part of that reason is his size and hair. But nonetheless, the point remains. And not for nothing, but the two true alpha females in the room last night basically melted and became the heart eyes emoji when Bruno was on stage.
And lets not forgot he has performed in not one but two Super Bowl halftime shows at the ripe old age of 31 and has chemistry with his band not seen since Stockton and Malone were running pick and rolls in Salt Lake City. Is being in love with a 7’3″ Latvian man and a 5’4″ (maybe) Hawaiian man kind of weird? I guess. But variety is the spice of life. And Bruno Mars is the currently the best performer alive.
