The Lakers Have Officially Hired Rob Lowe To Be Their New GM

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(NBA) – The Los Angeles Lakers have named Rob Pelinka as General Manager, it was announced today.

Pelinka, 47, joins the Lakers after spending the greater part of two decades representing many of the NBA’s top talent.  During his tenure as an agent, Pelinka was named by Forbes Magazine as one of the Top 10 Sports Agents in the World.  In his role, Pelinka will report to Lakers Governor Jeanie Buss and President of Basketball Operations, Earvin “Magic” Johnson.

“We have worked closely with Rob for many years and have first-hand experience with his knowledge of the league and the business of basketball,” said Buss.  “In our recent discussions, it was clear that he also shares our goal of returning the Lakers to being an elite NBA franchise. Together with Earvin and Coach Walton, I believe we are in a great position to bring winning basketball back to the Lakers.”

“Rob’s knowledge of the NBA landscape and the CBA, as well as his relationships with GMs around the league, are invaluable,” said Johnson. “After running a successful sports agency and as someone who truly understands the inner workings of salary caps and player negotiations, he will bring the additional skills and experience needed in the Lakers executive office.  Rob is a winner and the Lakers are fortunate to have him.”

The Lake Forest, Illinois native earned his B.B.A. from the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan with high honors in 1993, before receiving his J.D., Cum Laude, from the University of Michigan Law School in 1996. While at Michigan, Pelinka earned a 1989 National Championship as a member of the Wolverines basketball team and also took part in three NCAA Final Fours (1989, 1992 & 1993).

“I am beyond grateful to join the Lakers front office,” said Pelinka.  “The Lakers are a gold standard for sports franchises in the world, so we all share a responsibility to pursue excellence in everything we do.  Excellence is what the Lakers stands for, what Jeanie Buss and Earvin Johnson embody, and what Coach Walton demands from our players.  That obsession for greatness is what will bring Lakers basketball back to a championship level. With Jeanie and Magic guiding the vision, I am thrilled to help architect the future.  I am really excited to get to work.”

I know that story says the Lakers have hired Rob Pelinka as their new GM, but let’s cut the shit. That’s Rob Lowe. The whole point of brining Magic on board was to attract stars, so consider him 1 for 1. I know Rob Lowe when I see Rob Lowe and that right there is Rob Lowe. Maybe my eyes are playing a trick on me because I’m currently knee deep in binging The West Wing, but I think we can all call a spade a spade here.

So who is Rob Pelinka aka Rob Lowe? Well first off, he’s Kobe’s longtime agent. He also currently represents these 24 NBA players/former players

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Not a bad roster by any stretch. Of course now that he has this new job, he’s going to have to give up being the agent for these guys, which means you have to be licking your chops if you are another agent in his firm. Hires like this can go either way, some might say it’s an advantage he already has experience in dealing with the Lakers/LA, some might say this is why the Lakers are a shit show. I can understand wanting to get some new blood in there, but let’s be honest. He may be the “GM”, but Magic runs this shit.

I guess it’ll boil down to what Rob Lowe are they getting? Are they going to get 1988 sex scandal Rob Lowe, or 2008 nanny scandal Rob Lowe, or Sam Seaborn Rob Lowe? I’ve seen that guy work wonders in negotiations. Also, are we sure this is even a hard job? If everything people tell me is true, the Lakers literally don’t have to do a thing to attract big time free agents. My question is what does Pelinka/Lowe know about scouting and evaluating talent? Will he be able to make the transition to the other side of the table? Only time will tell.

I do love this quote though “That obsession for greatness is what will bring Lakers basketball back to a championship level”. Something tells me it’s going to require a little bit more than that, but more power to ya!

P.S

Shut up Kobe