MMBM: If That Doctor Didn't Want To Be Dragged Off That Plane Maybe He Shouldn't Have Been Dressed Like Such A Slut
Note: TL;DR.
Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.
This morning the world is all abuzz about a alleged doctor that got dragged off a plane like a wildebeast because United overbooked his flight. I know this isnt going to be a popular take and its alot of fun in the internets echo chamber to point fingers and blame the big capitalist corportaion and police officers they asked to do there bidding, but whatever happened to personal responsibilty? If that doctor didnt want to get dragged off that plane maybe he shouldn’t of been dressed like such a slut.
Im not saying this guy deserved it but lets wait untill all the facts come out. Just at first glimpse of the video alot of things arent adding up when it comes to feeling sorry for the “victim” here. Number one why isnt this guy wearing a undershirt? Its a airplane not a Russian bath house. This guy could of been sitting there with his nipples sticking out erect through his sweater like a loaf of bread, trying to draw attention in the hopes of getting a extra blanket or something. Also the fact that people are willfully ignoring the fact he wasnt wearing a belt is curious to say the least. What other reason would you have to eschew a belt besides tempting your fellow passengers with how quickly they can imagine being able to take your pants off. And his coquettish little glasses who that he was probably wearing for the style who knows if they even had prescription.
Its almost too perfect that this guy is a doctor, but folks hes no angel. Doctors are some of the biggest crimnals on the world, and especially in the United States. According to The Economist, over $272 Billion dollars has been stolen by healthcare providers and doctors- essentally the biggest source of fraud in United States history. He says he has appointments to keep with his patience- shocklingly none of which have come forward to defend him, I guess the MD stands for the “many doubts” in this guys alibi. So here we have some guy claming hes being harassed by police officers because there making him late to his next swindle? Its amazing how we’ve let this victimhood mentalty sneak into every part of life. You know who else gets thrown out of planes? Paratroopers in the United States miltary, and they dont complain, they just go behind enemy lines and earn medals and win big wars.
This guy on the other hand just absoluteley reeks of entitlement, thinking hes owed a seat just because he paid for it.Well I’ve got news- thats the United shareholders seat- your just lucky enough to be able to rent it from them. I only fly stand-by. Its the walk-on of air travel. Why fly coach when you can fly coaches son? The airlines in this country reserve the right to volunteer you to volunteer to leave the airplane at any given time dont like it? Then try renting a car. I hear walking is beautiful this time of year. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
On to the awards:
Road Grader of the Week: The City Of Boston
Just when I thought Boston had lost it’s fastball…
Sucks that the dancing guy from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and that dude with the beard from the sam adams commercal had prior commitments but this is about as good as it get’s. You cant make a movie about Tom Brady without diving into the various influences that Danny Woodhead has had on it, it would be like writing the bible without including anything about Jesuses teen years, or like telling the story of the American south without mentoning all the immigrants who helped build it. I for one can not wait.
10 Things I Know I Know
1. Several NFL players are in trouble for pariticipating in a arm-wrestling tournament in Las Vegas. The event took place in a casino where people gamble on sports, much to the detriment of the National Football League. Still awating reports but Im guessing that the absence of Cromartie means theres no truth to the report that this event was a reverse over-the-top situation where players can wrestle for the abilty to get out of custody of their kids.
2. Lebron James has a anger problem. Delly’s former teamate fouled out for a career high 2nd time in last nights loss to the Hawks. The mercurial superstar needs to figure out his issues with authorty figures before it costs him an early playoff exit. Meanwhile, Tebow and his clutch gene have caught fire, walloping his second dinger of the year and surpassing Michael Jordans career home run total with two smashes to straightaway center while Lebron is busy fouling out again. Tebow>Jordan>LBJ.
3. The LA Chargers 2017 season tickets sold out in record time, mostly since seats were so limited on account of it being a soccer stadium and the fact the south endzone has been alotted for Philip Rivers family. Be interesting to see how Los Angeles Galaxy fans react to seeing the Chargers playing there on account of there not used to seeing such low scoring games. Smaller stadiums will make for a wonderfull fan experence and allow Los Angelinos to not only exit the stadium but also get out of the parking lot and be well on there way home by the start of the 4th quarter. Should be a great fit.
4. In a truly touching tale of redempton Joe Mixon is shooting up draft boards this week as scouts and GMs get to see how good he is at football. Joe would likeley be a first round draft pick if he wasnt a peice of shit, so expect him to go in the 2nd or 3rd, teaching him a valuable lesson about accountbility. Although Im not sure allowing Mixon to fall to a good team would send the right message by allowing him to continue beating up on weaker opponets.
5. Runner up road grader of the week goes to new Atlanta Falcons cheerlearder Alex G
Cant help but think that if the Falcons had 10 more Alex Gs out there during the Superbowl the Lombardi Trophy would have a home in Atlanta right now. Intelligence is knowing when your to injured to keep going, toughness is going ahead and doing it anyways.
6. Ben Rothlisberger has ended his 0 day retirement and has announced that he will play football again this year because that is literaly the one thing he knows how to do. One major genetic advantage Big Ben has over Derrick Rose when it comes to thinking about his retirement is that hes not weighed down by the burden of ever being in danger of having children that are smart enough to need there father to attend their high school graduation.
7. Its been a year for unlikeley victories. The Cavaliers won the NBA, the Cubs won the World Series, a white protestant man won a Presidental Election for the first time in a dozen years, and now Sergio Garcia has won the Masters. Sergios master win was notable for the fact that it was a significant departure from his previous strategy where he usually loses tournments. Let me be the first to publically accuse him of steroid use.
8. Tony Romo is getting into the announcers booth and accodring to Peter King,” Romo says he knows what he doesn’t know.” Credit to Romo for channeling Donald Rumsfeld another leader who took all the blame for his oil obsessed Texan boss. It takes a off-the-chart level of self-awareness to know what you dont know but then again if you know what you dont know then you technicaly know everything including what it feels like to play in a NFC Championship game. All I know is that if Romo attacks the broadcasting booth in new job in the same way hes attacked everything on the field during his NFL career hes going to have terrble instincts when it comes to identifying the mic.
Another nice nugget dropped in there is that when Romo went undrafted in 2003 he decided to sign with the Cowboys as oppose to the Cardinals and Broncos who were both offering 5-10 thousand dollars more in a signing bonus. This is the ultmate example of trickle-down econics working to perfection in sports. He saved Jerry Jones 10 thousand dollars which Jerry then reinvested in cocaine and plastic surgery to reduce the physical side effects of cocaine and eventualy made its way down to Romo after 6 years. The fact that Texas has no state income tax is actualy 100% repsonsible for Tony Romo being a Dallas Cowboy- if it wasnt for this the Cowboys would of probably been destined for frustrating mediocrity for the past 10 years.
9. Kirk Cousins is returnging to the scene of one of his all-time great ties in London this week as the NFL is sending its most exiting players overseas to help grow the game. It will be nice to see Cousins get to spend some time minding the gap instead of buying his entire wardrobe there. Cousins is the Tony Blair of the NFL- a very nice likable chap who looks the part but has troubling history of ill-advised overthow attempts that he gets talked into by a dimwit brother that call’s the plays for him. Should be a massive week for the NFL as they continue to grow a audience that kind of cares once a year about the NFL. Given the British Empires propensity for leaders who are also Cousins this should work out as a win-win- or as the British call it- a draw.
10. Im bringing back jacked up. Jacked up was the best thing the NFL has ever done. Insofar as it went out of its way to draw attenton to concussions but in a hilarious way- jacked up allmost did more for concussion prevention then anything else in NFL history. You ask a player if theyd rather appear on jacked up getting there synapsis adjusted or be a footnote in Sal Palantonios pregame injury report, there taking the injury report every time. Since jacked up stopped, reported concussions have skyrocketd in the NFL because players arent being as carefull about avoiding the embarassing big hits.
This week: Hey, the Tarmac in Syria- you got… JACKED UP.
Folks I havent seen a landing strip get pummeled this hard since I watched the Kardashian video for the 100th time. Man shes such trash how dirty can you get. Gonna go watch it again.
What’s Shakin’ In The Sports Biz?
Las Vegas is taking bets on the NFL draft for the first time ever which is exiting to say the least. As a die heart NFL fan not only do I want to bet on who the next player taken will be, but I also want to be able to bet on which teams will be graded out the highest by Mel Kiper 6 hours after the draft is finished. For example, when Belichick trades Jimmy Garrapolo to the Browns for every Cleveland 3rd round pick untill Ernie Adams dies I want to be able to profit off that. When the R-Words draft 3 wide receivers and a punter in the second round and then Dan Snyder burns down Redskins park by making everyone take flaming dr pepper shot’s after hes soacked Bruce Allens office with gasoline to remind him that he wants high motor players, I want some money coming into my pocket.Also please let me bet on the ethnicty of the next player drafted.