A Casual Reminder That Having Sex With Chickens Is Against The Law
A southern Oregon man was arrested Monday after authorities say he sexually assaulted a chicken.
Joshua Woltmon, 27, of Medford remained Tuesday in the Jackson County Jail on $25,000 bail on accusations of sexual assault of an animal, public indecency, menacing and second-degree disorderly conduct.
Woltmon exposed himself and came into contact with the chicken’s genitals, prosecutors allege in court documents. He is also accused of threatening another man with sharp sticks in the same incident.
A Medford police sergeant said he didn’t have any other details on the case Tuesday.
I feel for our pal Joshua. You never get both sides of these kinda stories. You only hear that Joshua wrongfully stuck his dick in a chicken. They leave out details about the chicken and her behavior. Was the chicken dressed like a slut? Was the chicken walking around swinging her juicy and tender white breasts in the air enticing this poor, beautiful-eyed soul to fuck her? We’ll never know. We just know that young Joshua is locked up because he wanted to have some poultry sex. Disheartening!
I do have a few questions, though. How do you find a chicken’s coochie? Sorry if coochie isn’t a PC word. I’m trying to be a professional about this and I know that saying pussy is wrong so I went with coochie. I’ll never say pussy in a blog. That’s a promise.
Anyway, do you move back some feathers or something? You can’t pluck before you fuck, right? No. If my down pillows are any indication, feathers can be very prickly. You ever slept on a down pillow and have a stray feather poke you right in the face? Doesn’t feel good, my friends. Now imagine that on your balls. In case you missed it, human testicles are rather sensitive. If you are doing even a medium thrust on a chicken and a feather hits you the wrong way, it could be very unpleasant. Very unpleasant, indeed! All that to say, don’t fuck chickens, folks. They’re just little birds who are trying to lay some eggs, not you. Simple as that.