Kristaps Porzingis Says His Twitter Was Hacked And Used The "Frequently Used Emoji Defense" To Prove He Didn't Tweet About The Clippers

Good enough for me! The crying emoji that he tweeted is even the last emoji in Recently Used. If the emojis weren’t recently used, then the account must have been abused. An airtight defense if I’ve ever seen one. Johnnie Cochran must be smiling down in heaven. Yeah I know that all it would take is about 2 minutes of scrolling around for decent emojis to fake this defense. But there isn’t a bad emoji in that bunch. No weirdo nature emojis or stupid buildings emojis. Just the exact kind of emojis that a 21-year-old stud in would use.

The middle finger is clearly used every time he talks about Phil Jackson and the rest of the Knicks front office. As is the crying laughing emoji if we are being honest. And while we are here, those are also emojis of a dude that must have a GREAT sext game. Because those emojis are boring as hell. No eggplant or peach sniffing the Recently Used section. Yeah the airplane says “I’m a playa with a passport”, but the rest of the emojis stink. But I guess you can keep things vanilla and still get the job done when you are the 7’3″ face of a New York franchise, no matter how bad that franchise is. The wink emoji gets KP the nudes, the smirk emoji gets KP in the bed, and the monkey covering his eyes + the devil gets Kristaps IN.

I mean no disrespect to KP either. My emoji game isn’t great either. But I’m also a 34-year-old washed dad that acts like an asshole on Twitter in my free time.

This is actually the best way to describe that mish mosh of emojis:

And lets be honest, in the relationship between Kristaps and Knicks fans, he is the hot one that is way out of our league. If he said he was hacked, we have to believe him. I don’t care if he comes home with lipstick on his collar or around his dick. We have to believe that he is being faithful to us. Sure it’s not the most healthy way to go about a relationship. But we’ve spent enough time with people that were in our league (read: They STUNK), that we know we have to bend the rules a little if it means keeping our guy around a little longer.

Also shout out to KP for using Cmon B in a tweet. New York as fuck. But I must deduct points for having a cellular carrier named movistar and using military time. I don’t care if he’s in Latvia or not. That’s peasant, cold war Eastern European shit.

P.S. I wonder if these hackers are the same ones that “hacked” Kurt Rambis into liking that dildo pic last year. The Russians must be hacking the Knicks whenever they take a break from our political system. Just our luck.