Threatening To Throw Acid In Someone's Face Unless They Give You Money Is The Perfect Crime

NYDN- A robber threatened to hurl acid at a woman when she stopped at a Manhattan ATM if she didn’t give him $1,000, cops said Monday. The victim, 22, was withdrawing cash from a Citibank on First Ave. by E. 68th St. at 5:30 p.m. Friday, when a man approached from behind, cops said. “Yo, Mami, I have acid, and I’m gonna throw it in your face if you don’t give me $1,000,” he told her, police sources said. He showed her a plastic bottle with yellow liquid inside, cops said. The terrified woman withdrew $200, then another $800.

Two things that always scared the shit out of me as a kid that watched wayyyyy too many cartoons were acid and quicksand. Acid was basically the most destructive force in the history of the world and quicksand was pretty much certain death unless you had a friend with a tree branch in their hand. So if your everyday New York weirdo says he has a bottle of acid and dropped on Spanish slang on your ass, you better believe me and every other person that grew up on those 90s cartoons are going to give his crazy ass every dollar we have.

And the best part about it is that you don’t even have to put acid in the bottle. You put any clear or green liquid in a bottle and I’ll believe it is acid. If the robbery works, congrats you just got paid. If by some chance the victim fights back or the police show up, you can have a bottle of water in your hands, get off the hook, then move on to the next bank of marks. It truly is the perfect crime.

Obligatory Radioactive Man acid “The goggles do nothing” scene: