Teenage Girl Wins The Lottery Twice In One Week And Is Now My Least Favorite Person On The Planet

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CNN- Who hasn’t dreamed of winning the lottery? But winning twice … in one week … at 19? That’s what happened to one lucky California teen, Rosa Dominguez.

Dominguez was driving home from Arizona when she stopped at a gas station and bought a few scratch-offs. One of the $5 scratch-offs turned out to be a winning ticket worth $555,555. “I was so nervous, I just wanted to cry” Dominguez told the California Lottery. Just days after winning over half a million dollars, she stopped at a different gas station. She bought another $5 scratch-off — and she won again! This time: $100,000.

Sometimes I wonder if working for a smut blog has jaded me at all. Scouring the internet for fucked up but funny stories. Working in an office filled to the brim with cameras to capture a Gotcha moment. And having KFC AKA the Sultan of Spite as the first person at Barstool that I was ever associated with. But I’m proud to say that I think I would have hated Rosa Dominguez with all my soul if I had never even heard of Barstool Sports. I hate seeing my own friends thrive in good fortune when it doesn’t help me. But when some teenager from Cali with beautiful weather daily and her whole life ahead of her wins the lotto not once but TWICE, I bring out the good hate. The shit the emperor was peddling in Return of the Jedi. Grinch-level resentment. The hate you save for the special occasions like fine china.

If you win a scratch-off ticket once, good for you. Seeing those 3 cherries in a row or a Bingo if you are a fucking psychopath that likes complex scratchies is the modern day American Dream. But forget about winning the second time. Who the fuck BUYS a second scratch-off ticket less than a week after winning half a million off of another scratch-off? At that point you are just running the score up on the poor, luckless assholes like myself. If this chick hit on a couple of quick pick Mega Million tickets or something, I could live with it. Quick Draw made it rain on her ass. But not scratch-offs. You shouldn’t be able to feel the joy of winning hundreds of thousands of dollars and holding up oversized checks written out to you twice in an entire lifetime, let alone in the same week. People go their whole lives not winning $500 from a scratch-off, yet have accumulated enough of that silver scratch off to go to the moon and back 5 times (according to the Elias Sports Bureau). I don’t wish any ill will on Rosa in particular because that just feels weird since she is some random teenager I have never met. But I will admit that if another story comes out that she has stubbed her toe more than any other person in the world, it will brighten my day up as I read it in my house with 25 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars remaining on my mortgage.