One-Armed Drunk Man Gets Arrested For Innocently Walking Around With A Clown Mask On And A Machete Taped Where His Arm Used To Be

AP- A man is accused of drunkenly strolling down a Maine road wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt and a clown mask and brandishing a machete taped to where his arm had been amputated. Maine State Police say 31-year-old Corey Berry, of Hollis, was arrested Tuesday and charged with criminal threatening. He was released after posting $200 bail. Police say Berry was first spotted in Hollis but then fled into the woods. He was taken into custody after re-emerging in Waterboro. Police say Berry was intoxicated but cooperative. He told officers that he was copying previous clown sightings as a prank.

What the fuck, can’t a guy go for a nice stroll with a buzz on during a lovely Maine summer evening anymore? Yeah I was one of the millions of people asking that the weirdos that dressed up in clown masks and lurked in woods last summer be arrested and/or given the electric chair (weirdest shit ever by the way). But seeing one of those masks now would be like seeing someone play with a Tamagotchi or a Furby. That trend is deader than disco and I bet whatever fucked up store sells scary clown masks has them on the discount rack. If you are going to be scary, you have to at least be somewhat on the cutting edge of terror.

And the machete arm? I literally don’t see one thing wrong with that. If you lose your arm, you should be allowed to replace it with any object in case a fight ever breaks out. Pointy stick. Knife. Bazooka. All on the table. I imagine one-armed men were the lepers of the mid 90s after The Fugitive came out and had to fight off hordes of haters. To rob this guy the right to defend himself because he lost a limb is as unAmerican as Putin. What the Second Amendment actually means about the right to bear Arms is always a hot button debate in this country. But I wouldn’t be shocked if Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson had a situation like Corey Berry in mind when they put pen to parchment all those years ago. Losing an arm shouldn’t prevent you from being able to defend yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are fighting the red coats by holding a musket or battling a moose in Maine with a machete that is taped to your body where your arm used to be. Democracy one time for me, Maine.

Also I think the AP can call off the manhunt for this guy’s phone or lawyer.

A phone number for Berry couldn’t be found Wednesday. It wasn’t known if he has a lawyer who could comment on his behalf.

Corey Berry does not strike me as a man with the resources for a burner or even a full-priced nip of liquor, let alone a lawyer.