Kobe Posted A Photo Of Himself Looking Thicc On Instagram, Deleted It, And Is Now In A Mamba Mode Instagram #Blackout

I can’t believe I am saying this, but I actually miss Kobe Bryant. Yeah yeah yeah he is one of the greatest basketball players ever and all that shit. But I don’t give a fuck about that Kobe. The guy that posted these two Instagrams is who I really miss. That’s the guy that jacked up a billion shots in his last game so he could score 60 in one of the most incredible meaningless games you will ever see.

That’s the guy that seriously thought taking these pictures was a good idea.

That’s the guy that embraced being the heel the last few seasons in the NBA and once did this to his own GM and teammates at practice.

That’s the guy that ate Matt Barnes’ ball fake and spit it out.

I thought Kobe posting a picture of him being slightly out of shape, at least for him, after 20(!!!) seasons in the NBA, three kids, and years of marriage was a sign he was softening up a bit like ARod. The Mamba wanted to let his hair down and laugh with us now that he was done chasing Michael. If anyone deserved some time to grow into a dad bod, it was Kobe Bean Bryant.

But nope. I bet that picture bothered the fuck out of him the second he caught wind of it. The 1% of Kobe that has human emotions probably tried to laugh it off by posting it on Instagram with some sweet #mamba hashtags and hoped a flood of likes and comments would make him feel better like it does for all of us peasants. But then Machine Kobe autocorrected Human Kobe and caused the Mamba to slam his phone on the ground 5 times, delete the picture, tell his wife to watch the kids, and enter Mama Mode #blackout. And Kobe has been at the gym ever since. I can’t wait to see how jacked the mamba is in 30 days. He may even try to make a comeback with the Lakers after this. If there is one thing I know about the Mamba (or anyone that would ever give themselves the nickname Black Mamba), it’s that once Mamba Mode is engaged, you don’t know what the FUCK is going to happen next.

By the way, Mamba Mode #blackout >>>>>> Zero Dark Thirty-23