Chaps Hurricane Center: Irma Makes Landfall As The Strongest Storm In Atlantic History

Irma is out there just wrecking havoc on the Islands right now. The videos are incredible. The sounds are deafening, but they just don’t give you a feel for what it would truly be like in the midst of one of these super hurricanes. Being on one of those small islands and having that big ole see you next tuesday Irma crashing down must be absolutely terrifying. There’s been a lot of storms in the Atlantic and living through the worst one in a fucking Ocean’s history would give you a panic attack now.

Can you imagine living in a place like St. Martin nearly one hundred years ago? You’re outside farming the most delicious sugar cane in the region and the skies go dark. You are planning on making the world’s first mass produced rum in order to meet the high demand in the United States. Previously, the rum market was dried up due to governmental restrictions and whathaveyou.

A storm rolls in. You think it will last a little while but the exact duration isn’t known. You watch from inside your stone cabin that’s pleasantly placed on a hilltop overlooking the sea. Most days you love the visual of the open ocean, but the sideways rain today blocks that view like nature’s curtains. Afternoon thunderstorms are common in your region so you don’t think anything of the high winds and rain at first. The storm intensifies. You sit there in your stone cabin knowing that Prohibition ended just last year, and your rum is the best in the world this late summer of 1934, but no one has had the foresight to develop spaghetti tracker Hurricane software. Sad.

I can’t be the only one who wishes that Rum business would have gotten off the ground. The entire farm was lost that day and we still don’t know the secret family recipe that went with it.

We tell jokes here, but hopefully, everyone in this storm’s path is out of harm’s way. I saw some projections that have Puerto Rico being without power for possibly six fucking months. Houston is still a wreck and their clean-up efforts are just getting started. Two colossal storms within just two weeks of each other, and if that isn’t enough, Jose is lingering like a little mother fucker just behind Irma.

And if you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll heed long time Stoolie Frankie MacDonald’s warnings.