Justin Upton Won $1 Million For Charity By Hitting A Home Run Into A Giant Paint Bucket But It Doesn't Count Because The Ball Bounced First
*Click to watch because MLB won’t let me embed. I bet you will also be able watch it on Starting 9 tonight. 10 PM ET on Facebook Live!*
ESPN- A ninth-inning home run by Los Angeles Angels slugger Justin Upton on Tuesday night appeared to be on the mark for a $1 million stadium promotion when it bounced inside the oversized paint can behind the left-center field fence at Angel Stadium, but the Angels said after the game that the homer would not count for the promotion because it did not land on the fly.
With Los Angeles trailing 6-2 in the ninth inning to the Cleveland Indians, Upton’s 444-foot solo shot easily cleared the fence before it bounced on the grass, right in front of the “Angels Home Run In The Can” sign, before falling into the familiar 10-foot tall Sherwin-Williams paint can.
The homer drew a loud reaction, and not just because it was Upton’s career-high 32nd of the season. The paint company has been running a promotion this season in which it will donate $1 million to the Angels Baseball Foundation if an Angels player hits a home run that lands in the can. However, the Angels said Upton’s homer would not count for the $1 million donation because it bounced before it went inside the paint can. To count, the homer would have had to land inside the can without bouncing, the team said.
Hey Sherwin Williams, if that is your real name, you know you done fucked up right? Every corporation loves swinging its big dick and giant paint bucket around for everyone to see with the promise of a $1 million donation for charity. But it takes a real company to actually pay the piper once the ball goes into the bucket. Yeah I know that it is the job of corporate stooges and insurance companies to do everything they can to weasel out of paying that million. But you can’t sell the fans a false bill of goods. That was an all-time moment last night. I bet all season fans were praying Mike Trout or Albert Pujols would put one in the can. Seeing something like that happen is like watching the DVD logo bounce off the corner of the TV.
You wait and wait and wait all season and then it finally happens but there is no pay off? Fuck that. Especially with the million dollar price tag attached. You tell me that’s for 10 G’s or even 100K and I can excuse it. But once the M word comes into the equation, you better fucking deliver. Someone winning a million dollars for something like a ball going into the bucket is the American Dream. Fathers and sons probably wept in each others arms when that ball went into the bucket. Baseball bringing families together like James Earl Jones promised us at the end of Field of Dreams. And it was all null and void by some corporate jargon bullshit. I’m not sure what the Angels Baseball Foundation supports, but it probably gives money to orphans like the ones from Angels In The Outfield. Are you going to tell these two kids they can’t have a warm meal tonight because of some stupid legal ground rule that nobody knew about?
For shame Sherwin Williams. For shame! This all feels like some weird rule you find out about after you hit a crazy shot in beer pong. If the ball had to go in on a fly, that sign better say Angels Home Run In The Can On A Fly $1,000,000. I don’t want that listed on some contract or on the sign in tiny font smaller than a centipedes’s foreskin. Either throw On A Fly on the sign, have the Micro Machines guy from the 80s say the terms in conditions a mile a minute, or get the fuck out of my face. I don’t want to have a grudge against Sherwin Williams but now I have to hate them with all my heart for this stunt. The walls of the Casa de Clem will never know the touch of a Sherwin Williams brand of paint as long as I am alive* just because they cheaped out big time here.
*Unless they advertise with us or whoever I hire to paint my house buys Sherwin Williams. I don’t know much about owning a house, but I’ve been told enough times that painting sucks dick and hiring someone else to do it is worth every penny
P.S. While I was looking for pictures of the home run, I searched Justin Upton and instead got a bunch of pictures of Kate Upton and Justin Verlander. Which led to me deduct that when Verlander and Upton got married, Justin Verlander would become Justin Upton if he took her name. Not sure if it’s the 3 hours of sleep I’ve been averaging or just my below average brain being easily entertained, but that made my day.