The New York Newspapers Brought Their A-Games For Today's Anthony Weiner Headlines

It’s been a rough couple of months for the New York headline writers. First they lost Phil Jackson and all the Zen puns. Then they got robbed of an Odell Beckham holdout. I don’t know if you can even make a witty Trump headline that is crazier than whatever the story is these days. And now #Me7o is gone. But luckily for them, the well will never run dry as long as this scumbag is around. He is the muse for their art. The Mona Lisa of the printing press. The dumbest, sleaziest motherfucker to ever pick up a smartphone in the history of smartphones. He is Carlos Danger. I will say however the Kohl’s ad blocking the T in “Sext” did Weiner no favors.

And I guarantee the headline writers left some real gems on the cutting room floor just because this story, with the guy named Anthony Weiner showing his weiner to everyone, is absolute wheelhouse shit for the tabloids. I bet the papers are already getting headlines for every scenario that happens in jail ready like it’s that old SNL skit where they prerecorded the news of Gerald Ford dying.

Anthony Weiner gets shanked by his own iPhone he smuggled into prison? Headline ready. Anthony Weiner gets caught sexting in jail to Aaron Hernandez’s alleged boyfriend? Headline ready. Anthony Weiner gets what every inmate that has ever endangered the welfare of a kid while in the shower? Headline DEFINITELY ready.