Cops Are On The Lookout For An Axe-Wielding Moped Gang That Stole A Bunch Of Designer Handbags

Standard- A manhunt has been launched for an axe-wielding moped gang who have stolen £300,000 of handbags in a wave of “smash-and-grab” raids at designer stores in the West End. So far the “brazen” thieves have struck at Fendi, Miu Miu, Hugo Boss, Browns, House of Fraser and Prada in the past month. They have been armed with axes, knives and crowbars. In a raid at Prada in Old Bond Street a security guard was beaten over the head with a hard object just seconds after the gang had driven their scooter through the display window. The security guard, aged in his 60s, was taken to hospital is now recovering at home but designer handbags worth over £100,000 were stolen in the two-minute raid on September 21. Images of those involved in the attack have been released by police today after the five suspects fled the scene on scooters and mopeds.

I don’t give a shit that these guys stole designer handbags. Don’t carrrrrrrrrrrrre. I could not care less. Whatever. Things get stolen everyday. That’s what insurance is for. I just wanna know how I can join an axe-wielding moped gang. Where do I sign up to become a part of the greatest gang in the history of gangs? An axe-wielding moped gang. That rolls off the tongue so gracefully that I won’t be satisfied until I join. Read it in your head again and again. Axe-wielding moped gang. Axe-wielding moped gang. Axe-wielding moped gang. God that’s great. You don’t need branding with a name like that. That’s all the branding you need. An axe-wielding moped gang gets all the pussy. An axe-wielding moped gang rules the world. You don’t fuck with an axe-wielding moped gang. These guys are the next John Dillingers. Criminal celebrities in the making. People will write books and make movies about an axe-wielding moped gang. I hope the cops never catch these guys. Dust in the wind.