Dangle Days Weekend Recap Live From The Sauce Factory

The return of hockey season means the return of Dangle Days. Here at Double D, we believe in one thing and one thing only. And that is embarrassing defensemen and goalies to the point where they have to question whether or not it’s time to hang up the skates for good. We don’t give a damn about getting pucks deep. We don’t give one single shit about possession metrics and corsi numbers. All we care about is the pureness of the puck handle. The filth factor of the toe drag. The dirtiness of the dangle. A lot of people can appreciate a nice, tight defensive brand of hockey. We can’t. If you’re not dangling then you’re not trying and we want nothing to do with you. So let’s get right into this week’s Dangle Days, starting off with Nico Hischier who is most likely going to be making a weekly appearance here for the rest of his career.

No goals in his NHL debut for Hischier but in just one game the kid already threw together a solo highlight package of premium dangles. On his knee, through Tyson Jost’s legs, gets himself going back toward the net and gets a shot off. That right there is a kid who spends an entire hour during his pre-game routine doing nothing but watching Pavel Datsyuk highlights on YouTube. Hischier is going to be a stud.

Now since the season is just getting underway across all leagues, guys are still warming up their hands a bit so we didn’t get a ton of sauce from the weekend. But let’s real quick give Patrick Kane the respect he deserves after Chicago’s season opener against the Pens last week.

The no-look, backhand twister right on the tape.

The cross-ice spinning apple through all of the traffic.

And then of course, the backhand roof job to top it all off.

If anybody ever asks “what is Dangle Days about”, it’s about nights like the one that Patrick Kane had here. It’s not enough to just rack up points. You need to do so in a way that completely humiliates your opponent and forcing them to watch the replay will only add insult to injury. In The Filth Gods We Trust.

Why’dja Wanna Play Cawlidge Hawkey?

Isn’t it obvious? To get laid. Because I’m sure that Ferris State freshman Coale Norris had quite a bit of company in his dorm room after getting his first career goal with this beauty. Sometimes dangles are planned. Sometimes they are lucky. Sometimes they are just pure desperation moves like this one right here. I don’t think Coale Norris was skating up the ice planning on diving through the air to score his first college goal. If he was then the kid is a sicko. But there are two types of people in this world. People who will do anything for the highlight and people who won’t. You either have it in your DNA or you’re not cut out for the Dangle life. Coale Norris was born for this shit.

The Carolina Hurricanes Are Going To Be Decent To Watch This Year

Hanifin from Aho and Lindholm

Followed up by Rask from Aho and Lindholm

Elias Lindholm and Sebastian Aho. A 22-year-old Swede and a 20-year-old Finn. You may not know too much about them right now. The Hurricanes are kind of a trendy team that a lot of people are expecting to see progress out of this year. And Aho got plenty of love last year. But I wouldn’t be surprised to see both of them end up with somewhere around 70 points each this season. Smooth. Creative. A real “I don’t give a fuck” attitude when the puck is on their sticks and that’s what I love about them. They’re both so good in tight spaces with the puck and they’ll constantly remind you of that. 81 more games of this from those two this season.

The First Tara-Snipe-Show Of The Year Is Finally Here

Even with the slow-mo replay, that thing was MOVING. Sucks the Blues are dealing with so many injuries this season but life must be nice when you have a guy like Vlad Tarasenko who can shoot the puck faster than fuck. Sound barrier be damned.

Making A Murderer: The Tye Felhaber Story

Now here’s a name that you’ve definitely never heard of before unless you’re a huge Ottawa 67’s or Saginaw Spirit fan. Tye Felhaber. 19 years old. Undrafted. Doesn’t really have much history playing with Hockey Canada in any major international tournaments. But that’s what’s great about Dangle Days. You find a kid like Tye Felhaber who you probably would have never known existed, and you find out the kid has been blessed by the mitts of the Dangle Gods themselves. You’ve heard of the triple deke before but I’m pretty sure I counted 10 here. Lull the goalie to sleep and then strike. That’s how you murder a tendy.

Beauty Of The Week Award: Ian Cole

What a psychopath. Ian Cole’s balls are the size of bowling balls. You have to be an absolute lunatic to drop down to a knee to block a shot in the NHL. Yet guys do it all the time because hockey players have no fear and they’re a bunch of badass individuals but that’s besides the point. Ian Cole knows that Roman Josi can bring the hammer. Is a good 10 feet away from the guy, sees the one-timer coming and still drops his body down to block to the shot. All it cost the guy was a few front teeth.

Fucking disgusting. And he’ll probably be back on the ice today because like I said, he’s a lunatic.

New Addition To The Traveling Jagrs Of The Week

Jags to the Flames just feels so right. He may have lost a step or 4 or 5 on the ice here in his old age. But the dude still crushes life off the ice better than any guy who has ever done it before.

Delco Hit Of The Week

Always great when Ice Works in Aston, PA makes it to the main account. Delco hockey may not be known for having the softest hands in the world. But we do have guys who are always looking to take somebody’s head off at any moment. And I think that’s quite admirable.

And that’ll do it for this edition of the Dangle Days Weekend Recap. Looking forward to the next 30-something weeks of this. Stay Saucy out there, my friends.

@BarstoolJordie