Science Finds New Planet Where It Snows Sunscreen

Global News — NASA is adding to its list of weirdest planets in the known universe this week with the discovery of a super-hot world where sunscreen literally falls from the sky.

The “hot Jupiter” gas giant, dubbed Kepler-13Ab, is located 1,730 light-years from Earth, and it’s tidally locked to its star. That means one side is always facing the star and the other is in perpetual darkness, leading to huge temperature differences and a unique snowfall that is made up of the main ingredient in sunscreen: titanium oxide.

“The problem is the sunscreen precipitation only happens on the planet’s permanent nighttime side,” said a release issued by NASA late last week.

Fuck Kepler-13Ab-onites. I’ve been carrying screen around for decades. I walk around tailgates with sunscreen bottles sticking out my pockets. You know how weird that is? I start every round of golf with slippery sunscreen hands. Apply that shit — properly — to protect myself from the harmful rays of the sun then tee off. Not convenient but smart.

Meanwhile on Kepler-13Ab they just just waltz outside, stretch, and poof they’re all lathered up? What a bunch of bullshit.

PS — This dude would absolutely not like Kepler-13Ab.