People Are Saying That Rubbing Nitroglycerin On Your Dick Is The New Viagra

Metro- It’s a liquid explosive which is famously unstable – so much so that it can blow you sky high if you drop a bottle of it on the floor. But nitroglycerine has found an unexpected new use – as an erectile dysfunction medication which brave men massage into their willies. (The gel uses small quantities of nitro, so there’s no danger of misjudging it and leaving a smoking stump, we’re assured). A UK trial of anti-impotence gel at University College Hospital found that it worked 12 times faster than Viagra – and cured impotence in seven out of ten cases. With five minutes, 44% of men were able to achieve an erection after rubbing it into their penises.

Listen, I know that sex is the root of everything. Everything anyone does is because they want to have more sex. For instance, I’ve made it my New Years resolution to workout more so I can lose weight. I can say it’s because I wan to feel better and that’s also true,. But I also want to look better so the opposite sex thinks I look better so I can hopefully have more sex. So with that in mind, people will do anything they need to do in order to have sex, which apparently includes rubbing nitroglycerin on your dick. It’s new hotness in the streets. Taking viagra is old people shit. Viagra is for retired people who sit in bath tubs on the top of a hill. Rubbing nitroglycerin on your Johnson? That’s for the young studs out there who have trouble getting it up. Welcome to the future.

The good thing for sellers is it’s incredibly easy to market. They can just throw around the word “explosive” and sell out. But how far is too far? We might’ve found it. At a certain point you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say enough is enough. You gotta say, “I’m not gonna rub nitroglycerin on my dick. I’m just not gonna do it.” Mt guess is people will not share my viewpoint. People would light their dicks on fire if somebody told them it’d hope them in the bedroom. And that’s why life finds a way.