Is This Edible Laccaria Ochropurpurea Tryin To Get The Pipe?

Fellas, imagine walkin through a forest near the Rocky Mountains and having hunger pangs deep within your loins. You’re jonesing for a snack. Indiana. You’re hungry for a little lick. Hippo. You’re starvin for just a little taste. Marvin. Just at that moment, you see a lovely edible laccaria ochropurpurea mushroom lookin you deadass in your eyes. You sneak between two trees to get a better look. You go to remove your glasses so that you can see the real thing without the aide of science.

Fucc. You’re not even wearing glasses. Embarrassing. This little edible laccaria ochropurpurea sees you fumbling like a chump but finds it adorable. She giggles.

“You come here often,” you say without a trace of irony.

“No, stranger. I grow in different places all the time.”

Your face turns red. You’ve broken the ice but you’ve also fallen through. Tragic.

“Sorry about that. I just didnt know what to say. Let me try again.”

“Go ahead.”

“Besides me, what do you think you pair well with? Talkin palate.”

“Oh. That’s easy. Roast beef.”