Russian Curler Anastasia Bryzgalova Is The Sort Of Russian That Could Make Me Spy Against America

Maxim- When Bryzgalova popped up on TV screens everywhere, you could almost hear the sound of jaws hitting the floor, because no one would have ever expected an Olympic curler to be that insanely attractive.

In fact, her looks are being compared to Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie, and I’m totally expecting that she’ll get some sort of modeling contract in the near future.

But unfortunately for thirsty dudes everywhere, Bryzgalova is newly married to her curling partner, Alexander Krushelnitskiy, so your chances of taking up curling, becoming really good at it, meeting her at some curling event, and making her fall in love with you are nonexistent. Sorry.

Love is in the air today, folks. Tomorrow is Valentine’s day and I, for one, have been struggling to decide which lucky lady will get an invitation to watch me perform tomorrow night. Romantic, right?

Speaking of romance, how about Russia’s Anastasia Bryzgalova? Curl me timbers and pass me the borscht! Those eyes, those teeth, that smile… I’m melting down. She is absolutely stunning and even though we don’t get along that well with Russia, I would happily let her try to convince me that curling is interesting. Sure, she’s married to her curling partner but Russian men are known to disappear the moment you “discover” a “diary” that says things like “Vlad Putin sucks balls!” Just saying, I’ve heard that Alexander Krushelnitskiy hates the president.

On to the gallery:

Eyebrows on 100, as Willie would say.

Solid form. Not a ton of weight on there but she’s a curler, not The Mountain. Slipping and sliding requires a lean, toned physique as opposed to the bulky, egg white-fueled shoulders that I have.

Fantastic video for 2 seconds.