Chupacabra 2.0 Is Marauding Through The Streets Of Argentina

NY Post – A mysterious “half human, half animal” creature has been caught on camera after it was said to have savaged two dogs. The beast is reported to have been spotted prowling through the streets of Santa Fe, Argentina. The photo was taken after it was said to have butchered a German shepherd and a pit bull. Some locals likened the creature to a camel because of its long neck and small head. It was uploaded to the YouTube channel UFOmania, and has now been viewed more than 30,000 times. One person commented: “I saw one of these things in 2005, it was crossing a bridge and we came upon it. “It blew my mind because it looked at us and turned and began moving just like a kangaroo would and cleared the concrete bridge wall easily and dropped at least 15 to 20 feet.”Another added: “Here in the Philippines it is called ASWANG — a man transforms into a monster dog.” “It is a demon, it can even shift into a cat or a big bird.” But one user insists it is a Chupacabra, a vampire-like creature with strong roots in Latin folklore.

Well theres 1 of 2 possibilities here:

1) Demagorgons are real and Argentina better be on the phone with Steve Harrington and his spiked bat right fucking now.

2) The Chupacabra has grown and evolved and dogs and goats in South America are absolutely FUCKED. The OG Chupacabra looked like a nasty, stray dog. Like a coyote with an extra bad attitude. Certainly not to be trifled with, but this thing right here? Thats a big goddam monster. Looks like the aliens from Signs + a Demogoron + Zuul from Ghostbusters. Thats some next level type of demonry. Hide your dogs, hide your goats, cause he’s sucking everybody’s blood up in here.

I think this is the appropriate time to bring up the fact that there are two things that run through my head on a daily basis. The first is that I constantly try to get exactly 4 gallons of water using a 5 and a 3 gallon jug. I like to keep my brain sharp and that is my standard for “Sharp” – being able to remember the multiple ways to solve the Die Hard problem. And the second is I frequently think about Who Would Win In A Fight -Big Foot or Chupacabra. I think of it much like The Mountain vs The Viper in Trial By Combat. Size vs Speed. Brute strength vs Agile rage. Personally I think Chupacabra has the edge in attitude. Big Foot, to me, seems like a friendly beast just living in the woods minding his business. Chupacabra has a thirst for blood and is a devious beast of pure evil. In the past Big Foot would have simply had an enormous size advantage. But this new 2.0 version of Chupacabra is a completely different story. Even the playing field slightly on the size front and I think Chup is fully capable of drinking his blood and declaring himself King of both North and South America.