Man With Excellent Bowl Cut Eats 30,000th Big Mac
For Wisconsin’s Don Gorske, a timeless hairstyle calls for a timeless meal, and in 1972 he found the classic he was looking for.
Hopping into his first car, a sexy, sleek ’66 Dodge Polara, he decided to cruise on over to McDonald’s for its maiden voyage. Little did he know, this trip would lead him down a lifetime spiral of (sesame seed) buns.
Even though the Big Mac had been around for 5 years already, it would be Gorske’s first time ordering one, and it blew the fringe right off his ‘lil bowl-cut covered forehead. Immediately hooked, he went back two more times that same day for a total of 9 ‘Macs consumed, and he’s been housin’ ‘em ever since. In fact, he estimates that they make up about 90% of his solid food diet.
I image there’s lamaze-style breathing involved when this guy has to poop.
After all that work, he’s now being celebrated for his 30,000th Big Mac. That takes some serious dedication & Gorske has it down to a fine art. He buys 6 on Monday, saran-wraps them, & then either eats them cold or microwaves them through Tues & Wed. Then on Thursdays he buys 8 and wraps them up to reheat throughout the week until he’s back at Monday.
Let’s look into those numbers:
-14 Big Macs per week x 52 weeks in a year = 728 Big Macs annually
-1 Big Mac is 563 calories x 728 Big Macs = 409,864 calories/year
-30,000 Big Macs x 563 calories = 16,890,000 Big Mac calories in his lifetime
-After some intense googling, I found out that one cow carcass can produce appx. 2,200 patties. With 2 patties per Big Mac, that’s 1,100 Big Macs per cow. So, give or take, he’s also eaten a little over 27 grown ass cows.
Honestly, the most shocking parts in all of this for me are that 1) someone with matching bangs married him and 2) his heart hasn’t exploded, covering his living room in a fine mist of cholesterol-soaked blood.
He attributes 3 things to that explosion not happening (yet):
1) Hereditary genes, coming from a long line of skinny Eastern Europeans, who I assume all had the same haircut
2) Being hyper-active & fidgety
3) God blessing him with great health
People have been following his progress for years, especially after he was featured in Morgan Spurlock’s hit documentary, ‘Supersize Me’.
He even wrote a book about his meaty journey, which btw, sells for a Whopper of a price at $51.23 for a paperback version on Amazon.
Apparently he’s not the only Big Mac enthusiast around because a McDonald’s in North Huntingdon, PA opened a museum/shrine to the burger.
As a side note, a study also came out last week noting that women who ate a lot of burgers have a harder time getting pregnant. Maybe the Don Gorske diet is the one for me after all?