British Man Marries Bride In Zimbabwean Hospital After She Gets Her Arm Ripped Off By A Crocodile

Telegraph – A British man has described the moment he desperately fought to save his fiancee as her arm was bitten off by a crocodile, five days before they got married.

Jamie Fox, 27, wed Zanele Ndlovu in a Zimbabwean hospital. “In one week we went from shock and agony to a truly amazing experience,” he said.

Fox and his then fiancée, Miss Ndlovu, 25, were canoeing in an inflatable boat on the Zambezi, one of Africa’s longest rivers, when they were attacked by a crocodile on April 30.

Mr Fox managed to pull his fiancee, a former national tennis player, back out of the water and applied a makeshift tourniquet, but she had lost so much blood it was feared that she may die from the wound.

“I was shouting, trying to save her,” he said. “She was not complaining of pain when we managed to pull her out of the water, maybe because of the shock. We were hoping the doctors would save her arm but that was not to be.”

So Chaps brought this story to my attention. I didn’t catch wind of it as I was too busy playing golf with old rich white guys who were probably wondering why a midget from Zimbabwe is breathing the same air they were, let alone playing at their exclusive country club. NBD.

The fact that anyone thought it would be a good idea to go canoeing on an inflatable boat in croc infested waters, baffles me. It’s almost as dumb as people believing that a 5-year-old kid saw aliens, or that some random African midget is about to fuck a pornstar, or that someone can order lightning strikes on people. You’re probably thinking it’s such a cute activity to do with your boyfriend, but this is what most African waters look like:

Though it may seem calm on the surface, trust me you don’t want to know what goes on beneath it.

The most surprising part of this story to me is that a black Zimbabwean girl went canoeing. Zimbabwean girls are so extra. They usually act so boujie, that seeing them participating in an outdoor activity is almost as rare as seeing a complete solar eclipse. Once in a life time event. Not to mention the sista has a weave. One thing everyone knows is that black girls hate getting their weaves wet. They take that shit seriously, to the point that they’ll spend all day in their shower caps. As long as humidity is over 30%, its shower cap season baby!

Anyway, I hate to say this but these people deserved everything they got. In fact, they both need to thank their lucky stars that they didn’t get their guts ripped out their assholes. Crocodiles are big on ass eating season, cause it’s nice and tender. African rivers just aren’t meant for canoeing. Way too dangerous. Credit to this guy for jumping in to save his girl. Call me an asshole, but I’d rather be as single as a $2 bill than take my chances with a crocodile to save my girlfriend. That being said, congrats to Zanele and her husband.